exit, stage e a s t

[ Oh look, it is once again Eda gracing your screens! She's looking intent, with her hands steepled in front of her. ]

Well, well, well. It looks like some of my fellow... er... travelers tried to give all you teenagers a little talk, and sadly failed miserably. But never fear, Mama Eda is here!

[ She makes a grandiose sweeping gesture with her arm. ]

See, if you're anywhere between ages twelve and ninety-nine, you might start feeling a little funny when looking at some other people. That's perfectly normal! No need to panic. Please don't panic, I can't handle panicking kids--

[ she's not sweating you're sweating ]

Ahem. Anyway. You might also find yourself wanting to touch people in places you don't usually touch. Or you might wanna touch yourself in places you don't usually touch, that's fine too!

Now you might be aware that people have different types of body parts. Mostly, I mean between their legs. And if you slide Tab A into Slot B -- well, that can be very nice, but unfortunately sometimes results in [ DEEP BREATH ] babies. Tiny little creatures that scream a lot and that you'll be responsible for for the rest of your lives, so don't make one unless you know what you're getting yourselves into.

Fortunately, there's plenty of other ways to have some fun -- you have hands and mouths, or I'm assuming you do, so get creative!

Oh, and if anyone ever tries to do something you don't like, just give 'em a whack right in the face!

[ She swings her fist for emphasis. Just. You know, just trying to get her point across.

Finally, she laughs with a snort and mutters to herself. ]

Haha! Nailed it.

[ END FEED. ]