[ video ] un: owl lady

[traaaaaash]

[ Oh look, it is once again Eda gracing your screens! She's looking intent, with her hands steepled in front of her. ]

Well, well, well. It looks like some of my fellow... er... travelers tried to give all you teenagers a little talk, and sadly failed miserably. But never fear, Mama Eda is here!

[ She makes a grandiose sweeping gesture with her arm. ]

See, if you're anywhere between ages twelve and ninety-nine, you might start feeling a little funny when looking at some other people. That's perfectly normal! No need to panic. Please don't panic, I can't handle panicking kids--

[ she's not sweating you're sweating ]

Ahem. Anyway. You might also find yourself wanting to touch people in places you don't usually touch. Or you might wanna touch yourself in places you don't usually touch, that's fine too!

Now you might be aware that people have different types of body parts. Mostly, I mean between their legs. And if you slide Tab A into Slot B -- well, that can be very nice, but unfortunately sometimes results in [ DEEP BREATH ] babies. Tiny little creatures that scream a lot and that you'll be responsible for for the rest of your lives, so don't make one unless you know what you're getting yourselves into.

Fortunately, there's plenty of other ways to have some fun -- you have hands and mouths, or I'm assuming you do, so get creative!

Oh, and if anyone ever tries to do something you don't like, just give 'em a whack right in the face!

[ She swings her fist for emphasis. Just. You know, just trying to get her point across.

Finally, she laughs with a snort and mutters to herself. ]

Haha! Nailed it.

[ END FEED. ]

Comments

voice;

[reparo]

Oh my god, somehow this is worse.

[traaaaaash]

Why? Sure, I left some stuff out, but at least I explained the basics!

1/idek eda ideak

[reparo]

I mean.

[reparo]

[WHERE TO EVEN START]

[reparo]

[TABS? SLOTS? GENITALS?]

[reparo]

Are you open to constructive feedback from a former teenager or not?

[reparo]

[NOT THAT YOU HAVE A CHOICE, HERE IT COMES]

[reparo]

Where to start? First of all your approach seems to focus on the concept of sex leading to a risk of having babies, but not all couples come with the ability to get pregnant.

[reparo]

[Come with might not have been the best way to put it.]

[reparo]

But I suppose I do appreciate that you touched upon the concept of consent, and also vaguely about more than just penetrative sex but -

done

[reparo]

Nevertheless - why this?

11/2

[traaaaaash]

[ DEEP BREATH. ]

Yes. I am aware not all couples can have babies. Kinda thought that was implied.

[traaaaaash]

And well, the other two dorks certainly weren't doing the kids any favors, so someone's gotta step it up a little!

un: absterge

[downswing]

Unnecessary.

[traaaaaash]

very necessary in fact

and it's your fault

[downswing]

Elaborate.

[traaaaaash]

you can't just leave the teens with vague metaphors of swords or whatever!

voice;

[techmaturgy]

[hi I just wandered in with the werewolf delegation and I've had my communicator for ten minutes and what is this]

Are you sure this is the best use of your time?

[isn't there stuff to do? curses to break? can't even be totally enthralled by this magic amazing device because this is all just nonsense!! Unbelievable!!!!]

[traaaaaash]

[ She shrugs and makes a noncommittal noise. ]

Could think of worse ways.

[techmaturgy]

I--

[This is not quite a long-suffering sigh. It is, however, a long-suffering slight exhale.]

Actually, yes. Go ahead and list them. I'm morbidly curious.

[traaaaaash]

... you're gonna make me think, aren't you.

yiling laozu

[weifinder]

( just raising an eyebrow over here, all: )

What a way to discuss springtime.

[traaaaaash]

Look, somebody had to say it. Might as well be me.

[weifinder]

Oh, I'm sure there could be many, many lectures delivered on the topic, but you're right, I doubt anyone was feeling the urge. Unless the village feels like asking Su Xunxian?

[traaaaaash]

Who?