dragon... bachelor | round i

[sansdoute]

( We interrupt your regularly scheduled sinister updates for a casual transmission viewable by all. A chirpy, scantily clad mademoiselle takes stage introducing, one at a time, portraits or visual footage of various dragons as she names them. )

Laaaaaaaaadiiiiiiies and gentlemen! Wait no more, wonder less, time to meet this year’s fiery dragon contenders who’ll fall head and smoulder for each other, in the latest, scaled-up season of…

DRAGON BACHELOR

DARIUS

He’s… moderately tall. Not particularly exercised. His rider… gave up after the third day of mounting. His nestmates say, ‘Bro, we all know you’re drooling, not flaming,’ and ‘His mother has to come pick up his scales every week.’ He never woke up in time for the war. He’s looking for a girl who can char his meat, keep his nest tidy, has no male dragon friends and has reeeeaaaallllll thick wing curves. He has zero aspirations, but he knows the 10,000 actual gold pieces he invested to buy an invisible magical coin token will one day rake in big.

He is Darius, and he is our… Dragon Bachelor. And he needs your help to find a bride. Although, like. Any girl would be lucky to have a nice guy like him.

MARIADORA

Luscious. Strong. Some say the party doesn’t start until she enters the demonic summoning circle — then, it bursts into flame. On the weekends, she defeats entire prides of lions single-clawedly. She’s just ‘always where the arson is, oops.’ She thinks she can make a real dragon out of Darius. VOTE FOR MARIADORA.

ELLIANE

Sensitive. A scholar. Mastered every single art of the known universe. Scoured it for another few. Came back with the seed of the incarnated apocalypse. It was awkward. She wants to be looked in her eyes, not in her tail. She’s a career dragon, a sorceress, a near-sighted, oft-squinting visionary. She wants to see Darius grow. But like, not too much.VOTE FOR ELLIANE.

ASIRAA

Nurturing. Kind. Lover of tradition and fine ethics. Her heart yearns for a time when male dragons fought knights errant and females gladly hoarded. She wants children. Many children. So many children. Put down the children. Strip down yesterday’s slaughter blood off her, and you’ll see she has the hips for them. She’s a homemaker, and she wants to call Darius… Daddy. VOTE FOR ASIRAA.

Now, viewers, you know the ropes: they say you can't be lucky in both love and money, but Dragon Bachelor is here to prove common wisdom wrong. Every fine gentleman and lovely lady can put their house-paid 10,000-coin chip forward on their pick for handsome Darius's bride. What a catch!

If the stars blink your way, and Darius chooses your guess... you earn ten times the reward. Don't forget! You can always take advantage of the cheeky virgin sacrifice option and put down the names of other prospective brides. Cast your vote, and let the best dragon gall win!


( ooc: Rules of engagement:

— every character can bet 10,000, free of charge. The house covers the first token.
— Vote here on your dragon lady of choice — remember, persuade your colleagues to vote the same way, and you increase your odds of winning! Just pitch the virtues of your preferred dragon lady.
— Alternatively, suggest a character as a 'virgin sacrifice' (virginity optional) to appease mighty Darius, and vote to get them into the next round. You can also assume a well-meaning NPC put your character's name down. Why not?
— This is open to everyone, irrespective of whether they were assigned to Eidris or Minaras. It has 0% plot bearing. Make it rain.
— You can treat this as a regular network post and threadjack to your hearts' content.

)

Comments

[reparo]

Maybe he should learn to char his own meat for a change.

[consignation]

That's why we're all voting for Lan Wangji. Get with it.

[downswing]

( ....................




..................??????????? )


Respectfully remind Jiang Wanyin of a former arrangement.

[consignation]

Doesn't change the fact that you're the best man for this job, does it?

And don't look at me, I didn't start it and I'm less than a fifth of the people who believe in your qualifications.

[downswing]

You wish me to wed a dragon as a precursor to wed your brother.

[reparo]

Ah.


The obsession with Lan Wangji returns.

[consignation]

I didn't start it. You can point fingers at that odd woman if you're looking to assign fault.

[downswing]

( Help him mom )

[downswing]

( Every man on this post: looks down. )


His virtues are not without count.

[reparo]

His virtues are uncountable on account of there being none.

[downswing]

He is willing. They are willing.

Their wedded bliss, not our own.

[incantates]

Honestly, the best option. I am not sure why it's so pertinent we find him a mate, unless the whole species is in danger of dying out.

[reparo]

If anything, this should be The Bachelorette - those ladies deserve a better mate. Each.

[incantates]

They might even fancy one another. Let the dragons experiment around and find their own bliss.

[northerndragon]

He is a green boy still. Might be that he should not seek a bride, but something that will make a man of him.

A dragon. A dragon man.

Seven hells. You must understand what I mean.

[incantates]

Are you saying another dragon man would make him a dragon man?
I like where your head is at,
even if I am not sure you meant to purposely imply that.

[reparo]

Please do go on, explanations are very welcomed.

[downswing]

He does not require a husband.



( YOU ARE NOT GETTING WANGJI IN THROUGH A TECHNICALITY SIR )

[enucleation]

The dragon ladies seem to be willing, regardless.

[reparo]

Do they? They stand to gain very little.

[enucleation]

Perhaps this is how dragon affairs go. Personally, I have never met dragons before, thus I can not judge.

[soulsrob]

That's true! If anything he should be trying his best to win their vote!

[reparo]

A wholehearted agreement there, and I think he would lose.

[soulsrob]

Most likely, but perhaps one of them likes the idea of a, what is it called? 'Fixer upper'?

[cosplayqueen]

You said it tbh. This whole thing is just... YIKES.