dragon... bachelor | round i

[sansdoute]

( We interrupt your regularly scheduled sinister updates for a casual transmission viewable by all. A chirpy, scantily clad mademoiselle takes stage introducing, one at a time, portraits or visual footage of various dragons as she names them. )

Laaaaaaaaadiiiiiiies and gentlemen! Wait no more, wonder less, time to meet this year’s fiery dragon contenders who’ll fall head and smoulder for each other, in the latest, scaled-up season of…

DRAGON BACHELOR

DARIUS

He’s… moderately tall. Not particularly exercised. His rider… gave up after the third day of mounting. His nestmates say, ‘Bro, we all know you’re drooling, not flaming,’ and ‘His mother has to come pick up his scales every week.’ He never woke up in time for the war. He’s looking for a girl who can char his meat, keep his nest tidy, has no male dragon friends and has reeeeaaaallllll thick wing curves. He has zero aspirations, but he knows the 10,000 actual gold pieces he invested to buy an invisible magical coin token will one day rake in big.

He is Darius, and he is our… Dragon Bachelor. And he needs your help to find a bride. Although, like. Any girl would be lucky to have a nice guy like him.

MARIADORA

Luscious. Strong. Some say the party doesn’t start until she enters the demonic summoning circle — then, it bursts into flame. On the weekends, she defeats entire prides of lions single-clawedly. She’s just ‘always where the arson is, oops.’ She thinks she can make a real dragon out of Darius. VOTE FOR MARIADORA.

ELLIANE

Sensitive. A scholar. Mastered every single art of the known universe. Scoured it for another few. Came back with the seed of the incarnated apocalypse. It was awkward. She wants to be looked in her eyes, not in her tail. She’s a career dragon, a sorceress, a near-sighted, oft-squinting visionary. She wants to see Darius grow. But like, not too much.VOTE FOR ELLIANE.

ASIRAA

Nurturing. Kind. Lover of tradition and fine ethics. Her heart yearns for a time when male dragons fought knights errant and females gladly hoarded. She wants children. Many children. So many children. Put down the children. Strip down yesterday’s slaughter blood off her, and you’ll see she has the hips for them. She’s a homemaker, and she wants to call Darius… Daddy. VOTE FOR ASIRAA.

Now, viewers, you know the ropes: they say you can't be lucky in both love and money, but Dragon Bachelor is here to prove common wisdom wrong. Every fine gentleman and lovely lady can put their house-paid 10,000-coin chip forward on their pick for handsome Darius's bride. What a catch!

If the stars blink your way, and Darius chooses your guess... you earn ten times the reward. Don't forget! You can always take advantage of the cheeky virgin sacrifice option and put down the names of other prospective brides. Cast your vote, and let the best dragon gall win!


( ooc: Rules of engagement:

— every character can bet 10,000, free of charge. The house covers the first token.
— Vote here on your dragon lady of choice — remember, persuade your colleagues to vote the same way, and you increase your odds of winning! Just pitch the virtues of your preferred dragon lady.
— Alternatively, suggest a character as a 'virgin sacrifice' (virginity optional) to appease mighty Darius, and vote to get them into the next round. You can also assume a well-meaning NPC put your character's name down. Why not?
— This is open to everyone, irrespective of whether they were assigned to Eidris or Minaras. It has 0% plot bearing. Make it rain.
— You can treat this as a regular network post and threadjack to your hearts' content.

)

Comments

VIRGIN SACRIFICES

[sansdoute]

( Have your character pitch another character or dragon here as a worthy contender for fair Darius' heart. Make it funny and/or humiliating. Don't forget to vote for your pitch after! )

Jiang Cheng

[soulsrob]

[PUTTING DOWN JIANG CHENG'S NAME bc what not she's coming for so many people's lives for this.]

I feel like his temper would be best for any dragon to try and tame, right? Who doesn't like a challenge? He seems like he'd be a nice 'rule the nest' type. And I doubt he has any male dragon friends, right?

And he could surely use the push for the matchmaking... [Does 'he' refer to Darius, or Jiang Cheng? Yes.]

[consignation]

...

...

...

Not even my mother has managed to make me sound this undesirable.

[weifinder]

Do we really think this dragon could remotely handle my brother as a rider?

( sounding amused. yes this is about dating or whatever it is, but it's hardly like... they're gonna breed )

Lan Wangji

[soulsrob]

He's handsome, quiet, obedient. I feel like any dragon would be lucky to have him. And he does seem to have a lot of money! Dragons like money, right? And he's quite... shiny!

And I feel like Wangji would definitely make sure our dragon bachelor got up in time. If anyone could whip Darius into shape of being a great dragon, Wangji could!

[downswing]

Respectfully decline.

+1

[incantates]

Well, he does have a way with words, or lack of them, and is apparently quite renowned within his clan. I can't imagine a better opportunity for Lan Wangji to open his mind a little bit.

+1

[enucleation]

[ just...leaving his vote here ]

Yes.

+1

[ensanguines]

[ flatly: ]

Now here's someone who could use getting laid.

+1

[consignation]

I can think of no better man to bear this great honor.

Wei Wuxian

[soulsrob]

He's loud and smart, and quite easy on the eyes! He might exhaust the poor dear, but I'm sure Wei Wuxian could get him up and about again in no time!

And if anyone could help Darius be more of a social butterfl-- Er, dragon? Butter-dragon? Ahem, anyhow, I'm sure our dear Wei Wuxian could do it. He does have the sort of personality that makes you want to kidnap him a little, doesn't he?

[downswing]

Unnecessary.




( No 'respectfully,' you know what you did here. )

Hijikata Toshizou

[soulsrob]

He's quite well-read and potentially a family man. He's terribly grumpy, but his face is quite nice when he's not looking like he's sucking on lemons or smelling something terrible.

He's caring and very protective! He seems quite proper and gentlemanly. And, um. Hmm... [She trails off, looking thoughtful] Have I mentioned he's handsome? I suppose if nothing else he'd be very good to hang on one's arm. Er. Claw?

un:mind your fucking business

[ensanguines]

[ voice bone-dry: ]

You're correct. However— What part of me read to you as a virgin?

Beitang Moran

[soulsrob]

What a handsome fellow he is as well! My, we do have quite a few that are easy on the eyes don't we? I don't know why I never noticed before! I suppose it was never quite relevant until now.

Ahem, where was I? Oh, yes! He's handsome, and wickedly smart. I suppose if one were to pitch this to him as a learning experience or a study he might not be so opposed. It's a once-in-a-lifetime--hopefully--chance! He has a very husbandly attitude, does that make sense? I feel like he'd make a fine marriage partner to anyone so lucky.

[ensanguines]

[ with zero investment: ]

This one's just a lazy combination of your previous two recommendations. Also wouldn't exactly bet on his virtue being intact or whatever.

[ he's bored, has some time, and wants to study winnifred like a lab rat. ]

[beitangmoran]

Lady Winnie, as flattering as this is, have you forgotten that I am already spoken for, and thus, not available for such things?

Five

[soulsrob]

[She considers this for a long time]

I mean...The time I'm from, him being at least engaged wouldn't be so strange. He's quite a nice young man, when he isn't grouching about something or other. And he's bound to grow up tall and quite handsome. He's smart, and good with math which I'm sure means the dragon would have someone to keep a careful, considerate account of his wealth.

And really, the poor dear deserves some happiness in his life. I think a marriage would do him a lot of good.

[incantates]

What did Five even do to deserve this? Isn't suffering through two puberties enough?

[reparo]

This one's the most likely to end in a bloodbath, Winnie.

un: slothbaby

[cosplayqueen]

Eww!!!!! Don't bring Allison's little brother into this!!!

[somebadnews]

[ Five was going to ignore this entire thing until Winnie decided to throw his name in. She should have quit while she was ahead. ]

Winnie. What do you think ‘dragon marriage’ entails?

[ He obviously finds ‘virgin sacrifice’ as hilarious as everyone else does. ]

Winnifred Prismall

[consignation]

[ took him forever to spell her name but spite, as always, prevails. ]

This young lady is certainly. Someone. She is of great interest, most likely to the authorities. There is never a dull moment to be had. You'll never have to be worried about feeling comfortable in her company. Need I say more.

[soulsrob]

I think you should! Do go on.

[downswing]

Say more.