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un: daozhang | audio
I have been thinking lately, perhaps too much, about forgiveness. Or, rather, resentment, especially with regards to these curses we've been gifted. I don't know what everyone else has to break, but mine involves jealousy and, thus, its own kind of resentment. I think most lingering cases such as these stem from unhappiness along a similar vein.
As a cultivator, it is my duty to cleanse such resentment from the dead so as not to affect the living in their wake. I am willing to help anyone else who may need it, though I fear I may not be as much help as others. I'm not sure I'm the best at forgiveness, either, even for myself...
[Xingchen's voice trails off, almost as if he forgets he's talking to anyone else, but he quickly recovers and clears his throat.]
I'm rambling. What I mean to say is I would like your cooperation if it's not too much to ask. As I said before my curse involves jealousy and words spoken in anger and dissatisfaction. I would like for as many of us to instead spread words of affirmation around the village. It might sound silly, and maybe it is, but I believe even something so small can make a difference. For example, last night I told one of the bartenders he had a pleasing voice. It doesn't have to be anything complicated, just kind.
Don't feel as if I'm forcing you, either. No one has to help if they don't want to.
As a cultivator, it is my duty to cleanse such resentment from the dead so as not to affect the living in their wake. I am willing to help anyone else who may need it, though I fear I may not be as much help as others. I'm not sure I'm the best at forgiveness, either, even for myself...
[Xingchen's voice trails off, almost as if he forgets he's talking to anyone else, but he quickly recovers and clears his throat.]
I'm rambling. What I mean to say is I would like your cooperation if it's not too much to ask. As I said before my curse involves jealousy and words spoken in anger and dissatisfaction. I would like for as many of us to instead spread words of affirmation around the village. It might sound silly, and maybe it is, but I believe even something so small can make a difference. For example, last night I told one of the bartenders he had a pleasing voice. It doesn't have to be anything complicated, just kind.
Don't feel as if I'm forcing you, either. No one has to help if they don't want to.
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[His smile is easily distinguishable in his voice. Why shouldn't he compliment him? Zishu knows a good man when he sees one.]
You can rely on me if anyone is pestering you.
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He should think of his husband, too.
...But this one thanks you.
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Why should I think of myself? Furthermore, why should I fear for myself? I am stronger than you think.
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Of that I have no doubt! It is just that I have no place getting involved in any, ah, marital affairs of yours.
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Don't you think that would be for he and I to decide? [Now he laughs, letting out a long breath.] I would kiss you, Daozhang, but I know how to behave myself. Is there some other way I can lift your mood?
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The thing is, though, he would let Zhou Zishu kiss him, but for all the wrong reasons. A desire for touch. Loneliness. Distraction. Nothing anyone deserves to endure the aftermath of.]
You and Wen Kexing are extremely generous. I am happy to have befriended you both.
[That seems safe, right? He can get this back on track!]
I am simply glad to hear your voice again and to know you are well. That alone lifts my spirits.
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That doesn't answer my inquiry, Daozhang. Do you need a kiss? A hug? They're free from me when it comes to you.
[Without any tags or prices to be paid!]
Be selfish. We all need it now and then.
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Perhaps you can give your husband a kiss from me instead.
[But he doesn't think Zhou Zishu is going to settle for that, so he continues.]
I would like to cook for you when we are in a good place and not taking up too many of the locals' resources. To thank you for being a friend and to celebrate your recovery.
[He told Wen Kexing this idea some time ago, but they've never gotten around to it.]
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He gets plenty from me. [After everything, yes. His Lao Wen is spoiled rotten with kisses.]
You want to cook for me? [Zishu smiles softly at the idea.] I would like that. But only if you share the meal with me too?
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So then one more won't hurt. He can give you one from me, as well. Two more in your happy lives.
[This is a perfectly valid alternative, he thinks.]
I would be happy to share a meal with you.
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[Sorry, Xingchen, you are already in his clutches. You just haven't realized it yet.]
What about some wine too? I'll make sure Lao Wen tastes it beforehand. I don't want to give you vinegar.
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He's already made things complicated in this world, let alone in the one he calls home. So many people he meets are remembered fondly afterward. Even with the people he doesn't like, he rarely holds grudges. His heart is a weak thing, opening itself up for practically anyone to ruin. But he just won't learn. Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing seem like lovely people, but he doesn't trust himself to properly judge their characters.
He's just a fool. Always, it seems.]
Wine, too. Just not too much lest I embarrass myself.
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[Is he capable of hurting others? Absolutely. But he chooses not to cause those like Xingchen - those so pure it hurts - any issue. He just wants to help his friend find happiness - even if it's brief.]
Wanna hear about my curse?
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I would let me embarrass myself. It's very unfortunate.
[The last time he drank was in Taravast and he ended up kissing a god. And then found out said god was married, so Xingchen definitely has some trust issues with himself.
Ah, but a subject change! He jumps on it almost breathlessly.]
Tell me.
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A god got a kiss, but Zishu won't? Now he's jealous.]How can you embarrass yourself if you are in safe company?
[He won't let anything bad happen to the cute daozhang! But, then again, Zishu's view of "bad" is a bit different.
The enthusiasm makes him chuckle.]
I have been cursed with indifference. [Sloth in other words.] I can feel myself...detaching.
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He was drunk!!!]I'm sure I could still manage it.
[Zhou Zishu may laugh, but Xingchen immediately frowns upon hearing that answer, even if it can't be seen. That's a worrisome side effect.]
Have you thought of any way to break your curse?
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The kiss must've been cute nonetheless!]Have faith in yourself.
[He laughs because...in part...he has been here before. He cursed himself with indifference once.]
What's the opposite of indifference? I must force myself to care; to do good despite my desire to pull away from everyone.
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If you consider badly-aimed, very short, and not at all worthy of remark as cute...]Do you usually consider yourself stubborn? I'm sure you can call upon that in some way, if so.
[A pause.]
If not, I would be happy to spare some time to sit with you.
[Even if he would be at risk of getting smooched.]
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Actually, he does. Though he would fix the "very short" part.]I am incredibly stubborn, yes. [He smiles, chuckling at the question.]
Can you spare some time with me anyway?
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Zishu plz]I can make time for a friend. Where might I find you?
[He's been walking around the village so he has a vague idea of the layout.]
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Plz what?]How about I find you? What's around you?
[He won't have Xingchen wandering for his sake.]
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Plz behave yourself!]I'm in front of the house I've been assigned to, mending some baskets. It's a wooden house, though I don't know if that's a good enough description. It has a termite problem, I think.
[Termites, or something else that likes to chew away at all hours.]
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How does that work again?]I can find you. Stay put and you'll have company soon.
[Mending baskets. Zishu grins and sets off, keeping his communicator close. Considering the house he has been assigned to falls to pieces at the same time each morning (before magically repairing itself), it won't surprise him if the termites aren't termites.
When he sees the man in the distance, he hurries the rest of the way and sits down at Xingchen's side.]
Do you need help?
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sobBut Xingchen does as asked, though he doesn't have any plans to run off anywhere, anyway. So he's happily sitting there, working on reinforcing a basket handle, when Zhou Zishu joins him. He offers his friend a smile in acknowledgment.]
Only if you'd like? I just found these around the village. There's no urgent need to fix them up, but I find it's good to keep the hands and mind busy.
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We'll be alright. [The dark bands around his wrists make the task harder, slowing him down.] Now let's talk about how to break your curse. Baskets won't be good enough for that.
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