un: daozhang | audio

[binghua]

I have been thinking lately, perhaps too much, about forgiveness. Or, rather, resentment, especially with regards to these curses we've been gifted. I don't know what everyone else has to break, but mine involves jealousy and, thus, its own kind of resentment. I think most lingering cases such as these stem from unhappiness along a similar vein.

As a cultivator, it is my duty to cleanse such resentment from the dead so as not to affect the living in their wake. I am willing to help anyone else who may need it, though I fear I may not be as much help as others. I'm not sure I'm the best at forgiveness, either, even for myself...

[Xingchen's voice trails off, almost as if he forgets he's talking to anyone else, but he quickly recovers and clears his throat.]

I'm rambling. What I mean to say is I would like your cooperation if it's not too much to ask. As I said before my curse involves jealousy and words spoken in anger and dissatisfaction. I would like for as many of us to instead spread words of affirmation around the village. It might sound silly, and maybe it is, but I believe even something so small can make a difference. For example, last night I told one of the bartenders he had a pleasing voice. It doesn't have to be anything complicated, just kind.

Don't feel as if I'm forcing you, either. No one has to help if they don't want to.

Comments

[binghua]

[He laughs softly.]

I would let me embarrass myself. It's very unfortunate.

[The last time he drank was in Taravast and he ended up kissing a god. And then found out said god was married, so Xingchen definitely has some trust issues with himself.

Ah, but a subject change! He jumps on it almost breathlessly.]

Tell me.

[eternallywandering]

[A god got a kiss, but Zishu won't? Now he's jealous.]

How can you embarrass yourself if you are in safe company?

[He won't let anything bad happen to the cute daozhang! But, then again, Zishu's view of "bad" is a bit different.

The enthusiasm makes him chuckle.]

I have been cursed with indifference. [Sloth in other words.] I can feel myself...detaching.

[binghua]

[He was drunk!!!]

I'm sure I could still manage it.

[Zhou Zishu may laugh, but Xingchen immediately frowns upon hearing that answer, even if it can't be seen. That's a worrisome side effect.]

Have you thought of any way to break your curse?

[eternallywandering]

[The kiss must've been cute nonetheless!]

Have faith in yourself.

[He laughs because...in part...he has been here before. He cursed himself with indifference once.]

What's the opposite of indifference? I must force myself to care; to do good despite my desire to pull away from everyone.

[binghua]

[If you consider badly-aimed, very short, and not at all worthy of remark as cute...]

Do you usually consider yourself stubborn? I'm sure you can call upon that in some way, if so.

[A pause.]

If not, I would be happy to spare some time to sit with you.

[Even if he would be at risk of getting smooched.]

[eternallywandering]

[Actually, he does. Though he would fix the "very short" part.]

I am incredibly stubborn, yes. [He smiles, chuckling at the question.]

Can you spare some time with me anyway?

[binghua]

[Zishu plz]

I can make time for a friend. Where might I find you?

[He's been walking around the village so he has a vague idea of the layout.]

[eternallywandering]

[Plz what?]

How about I find you? What's around you?

[He won't have Xingchen wandering for his sake.]

[binghua]

[Plz behave yourself!]

I'm in front of the house I've been assigned to, mending some baskets. It's a wooden house, though I don't know if that's a good enough description. It has a termite problem, I think.

[Termites, or something else that likes to chew away at all hours.]

[eternallywandering]

[How does that work again?]

I can find you. Stay put and you'll have company soon.

[Mending baskets. Zishu grins and sets off, keeping his communicator close. Considering the house he has been assigned to falls to pieces at the same time each morning (before magically repairing itself), it won't surprise him if the termites aren't termites.

When he sees the man in the distance, he hurries the rest of the way and sits down at Xingchen's side.]

Do you need help?

[binghua]

[sob

But Xingchen does as asked, though he doesn't have any plans to run off anywhere, anyway. So he's happily sitting there, working on reinforcing a basket handle, when Zhou Zishu joins him. He offers his friend a smile in acknowledgment.]

Only if you'd like? I just found these around the village. There's no urgent need to fix them up, but I find it's good to keep the hands and mind busy.

[eternallywandering]

[It's safe to assume Zishu has never spent much time repairing baskets. But he is good with his hands and he picks up a basket with a broken handle, eying it thoughtfully.]

We'll be alright. [The dark bands around his wrists make the task harder, slowing him down.] Now let's talk about how to break your curse. Baskets won't be good enough for that.

[binghua]

We will.

[They have to be. There is no acceptable alternative.

Xingchen keeps fiddling with a strip of wood - bamboo? - doing his best to get the end tucked away so the handle won't come unattached again any time soon. It probably doesn't look pretty, but as long as the basket functions, that's all that matters.]

My curse? I hope what I spoke of earlier will be enough, my suggestion for people to offer up kind and inspiring words around the village.

[eternallywandering]

[He takes his cue from Xingchen and starts repairing the handle, strengthening it with another band of wood.]

Are you physically hurt, Daozhang? [Even being this close to Xingchen is rough for him; he had fought the nasty feelings for Kexing, but these are bothersome too. Only...lesser.]

I'll compliment everyone I see if it helps you.

[binghua]

[That's...an odd question. Xingchen tilts his head toward Zhou Zishu, frowning in confusion.]

No? Unless I've pricked my finger on the basket?

[He doesn't think he has. At least he doesn't remember feeling any pain. He holds his hands out for Zhou Zishu to inspect. But the next statement makes him shake his head.]

Don't force yourself if you don't want to.

[eternallywandering]

[He smiles, relieved at that answer. Xingchen's hands are taken, gently, and Zishu rests his cheek against them - one at a time.]

I don't want you to be hurt. [But there isn't much he can do about it.] How am I forcing myself? Everyone deserves to hear something nice.

[binghua]

[Oh. That's not the reaction he expected, but he doesn't pull his hands away. Still, it's probably a product of their earlier conversation about kissing that makes Xingchen's cheeks flush a little. He bows his head, hoping Zhou Zishu won't look at him so closely. Hopefully.]

You're very kind and more genuine than some people may be. I hope anyone else who takes up my idea does it for that reason and not just to help me, even if they do go hand in hand. Does that make sense?

[eternallywandering]

Yes, it makes perfect sense. [Zishu lays his cheek against one of Xingchen's palms, enjoying the contact. And, yes, he remembers the conversation about kisses. But he won't push this sweet man. He wants to be a comfort to him; not a gremlin.]

You are a selfless man who wants to do good in the world whether your name is attached to the deeds or not.

[binghua]

[Xingchen gives that cheek a few gentle pats, then finally starts to pull his hand back. He pats around the basket and finds where he had left off so he can start working on that again.]

I just wish for this particular instance to be handled correctly. It should have nothing to do with me.

[eternallywandering]

[Smirking, he releases those hands and gets back to work on his basket. He wraps the new piece of wood with fabric, bending it in the shape of the handle.]

Is it alright if you are part of my reason for being friendly?

[binghua]

[There really is no winning with this man. Xingchen shakes his head, a little smile on his lips.]

I suppose I can suffer being an inspiration.

[His hands keep working, tucking the band of wood into the other side of the handle. He ties on it, testing the integrity of his mending. Satisfied with this one, hepats around beside him until he finds another basket, this one with a growing hole in the side.]

And what of your own curse? Aside from the feelings of indifference, that is.

[eternallywandering]

[Nope. No winning. Zishu is that difficult, though it comes from a good place!]

You make it sound so miserable.

[He learns from Xingchen's guiding hands and secures the wood, tying it in place neatly.]

I don't want to worry you. [Which...will worry him.] I am condemned to suffer the consequences of sloth and...lust.

[Bringing Xingchen's hand to his wrist, he murmurs:]

My wrists and ankles are bound with thick...bands. Like bruises.

[binghua]

I don't...have the same confidence in myself that I used to.

[Because of his own curse here, perhaps. Because of the time spent these last few years looking inward and learning things about himself. He tries not to dwell on it and he decides not to keep talking about it. He's already had a similar enough conversation with Zhou Zishu back at the lighthouse.

So he focuses on his friend's answer, his hands stilling long before one is brought to feel the shackles around Zhou Zishu's wrists. He frowns, worry evident in his expression.]

But that is all tied to your ancestor's curse, is it not? Have you any ideas how to offer atonement for that?

[eternallywandering]

Let's rebuild it, my friend. One day at a time.

[He hasn't forgotten and he is just as determined to help Xingchen. If he can. Zhou Zishu would consider it an honor, honestly, but only because he doesn't consider himself worthy.

Releasing his hold on those gentle hands, Zishu tilts his head, smiling softly at the other's frown.]

It is. I am related to a priestess who took lovers rather than attending to her duties, apparently. If I...do her duties...maybe I can find release.

[binghua]

[Xingchen can only offer him a smile, tired of arguing against himself. Zhou Zishu is only trying to help, as well, and continuously shooting him down would only make things worse in the long run. One day at a time. He just doesn't know how many days that will take.

The proposed solution to Zhou Zishu's curse makes sense, however, and Xingchen nods.]

I don't see why that wouldn't be enough to break your curse. Unless her duties involve something with which you are uncomfortable.