un: daozhang | audio

[binghua]

I have been thinking lately, perhaps too much, about forgiveness. Or, rather, resentment, especially with regards to these curses we've been gifted. I don't know what everyone else has to break, but mine involves jealousy and, thus, its own kind of resentment. I think most lingering cases such as these stem from unhappiness along a similar vein.

As a cultivator, it is my duty to cleanse such resentment from the dead so as not to affect the living in their wake. I am willing to help anyone else who may need it, though I fear I may not be as much help as others. I'm not sure I'm the best at forgiveness, either, even for myself...

[Xingchen's voice trails off, almost as if he forgets he's talking to anyone else, but he quickly recovers and clears his throat.]

I'm rambling. What I mean to say is I would like your cooperation if it's not too much to ask. As I said before my curse involves jealousy and words spoken in anger and dissatisfaction. I would like for as many of us to instead spread words of affirmation around the village. It might sound silly, and maybe it is, but I believe even something so small can make a difference. For example, last night I told one of the bartenders he had a pleasing voice. It doesn't have to be anything complicated, just kind.

Don't feel as if I'm forcing you, either. No one has to help if they don't want to.

Comments

[eternallywandering]

[Zishu doesn't regret a second of his little stolen kiss. Getting Xingchen to laugh lifts his heart and makes the bands on his wrists and ankles feel lighter.]

Xiao Xingchen?

[He pretends to be dumb, whispering back. Then he laughs.]

Your cheek was asking for it. You just didn't hear it.

[binghua]

[It really does feel good to laugh, and to hear a friend laugh in turn, even if it is at his own expense. Hearing Zhou Zishu laugh makes me laugh again and it takes him a few attempts to stop again before he lightly pats his own cheek, berating it.]

Stop that.

[The basket mending goes forgotten as he just enjoys this time with his friend, feeling more at peace with himself than he has in months, since before they all arrived in Taravast. There's still guilt weighing down his heart and uncertainty regarding his feelings on Xue Yang that flows through his veins, but for right now, he feels...okay.]

...Thank you.

[eternallywandering]

Oh don't be so rough with it. [Zishu sounds far too amused for his words to be taken seriously. Seeing Xingchen "berating" his own cheek has him laughing again! And it feels good. There is nothing wrong with being silly sometimes. It's when you take things too seriously that everything looks menacing and dark.]

I like that cheek. [He will gladly help Xingchen catch up on his basket mending, but for right now - it's okay to be a little selfish. Zishu tucks his head onto his friend's shoulder at the gratitude, letting Xingchen know that he isn't alone.]

[binghua]

[This really is nice. Sitting here laughing, forgetting everything else for a time. The sun is warm, the breeze gentle. The weight of a friend against him a comfort as opposed to any kind of burden.

Xingchen sighs, content, doing nothing to hurry this moment on to the next. And he also realizes he hasn't had this kind of feeling in...years, probably. If ever. Gods, how he aches for it. He's always the one to offer his own shoulder for comfort or his hands for helping. He always wants to help. But it's exhausting and he's truly realizing that right now. They have plenty to do here, he knows, and he should lend his remaining talents to those issues, but it's so simple to just be.

Another realization hits him. He didn't have to do any work to feel this peace. But when it comes to Xue Yang and all that the man is supposedly trying to do to raise Xingchen's opinion of him, it feels like pulling teeth, one by one, with nothing to dull the pain. The two of them will never be able to have this. He shouldn't even humor that idea. He shouldn't humor Xue Yang at all.

Xingchen has made so many mistakes. He keeps making them, despite knowing better.

He breathes in and exhales once again, trying to clear his mind of all that. This day is too nice for any of it.]

I like your laugh. It's very warm. I imagine your smile is, as well.