un: daozhang | audio

[binghua]

I have been thinking lately, perhaps too much, about forgiveness. Or, rather, resentment, especially with regards to these curses we've been gifted. I don't know what everyone else has to break, but mine involves jealousy and, thus, its own kind of resentment. I think most lingering cases such as these stem from unhappiness along a similar vein.

As a cultivator, it is my duty to cleanse such resentment from the dead so as not to affect the living in their wake. I am willing to help anyone else who may need it, though I fear I may not be as much help as others. I'm not sure I'm the best at forgiveness, either, even for myself...

[Xingchen's voice trails off, almost as if he forgets he's talking to anyone else, but he quickly recovers and clears his throat.]

I'm rambling. What I mean to say is I would like your cooperation if it's not too much to ask. As I said before my curse involves jealousy and words spoken in anger and dissatisfaction. I would like for as many of us to instead spread words of affirmation around the village. It might sound silly, and maybe it is, but I believe even something so small can make a difference. For example, last night I told one of the bartenders he had a pleasing voice. It doesn't have to be anything complicated, just kind.

Don't feel as if I'm forcing you, either. No one has to help if they don't want to.

Comments

[binghua]

[He has half a mind to be selfish, but not...not like that. As nice as he's sure it would be, there is the possibility of a hundred complications arising from it and he simply doesn't have the heart to face any of them. No, it's better if he keeps his hands and his lips to himself.]

Perhaps you can give your husband a kiss from me instead.

[But he doesn't think Zhou Zishu is going to settle for that, so he continues.]

I would like to cook for you when we are in a good place and not taking up too many of the locals' resources. To thank you for being a friend and to celebrate your recovery.

[He told Wen Kexing this idea some time ago, but they've never gotten around to it.]

[eternallywandering]

[Being a good person isn't simple, is it. Though Zishu would have thought Xingchen good even if they had shared a few kisses. Life is far more complex than the precious daozhang realizes.]

He gets plenty from me. [After everything, yes. His Lao Wen is spoiled rotten with kisses.]

You want to cook for me? [Zishu smiles softly at the idea.] I would like that. But only if you share the meal with me too?

[binghua]

[Zhou Zishu is so stubborn!]

So then one more won't hurt. He can give you one from me, as well. Two more in your happy lives.

[This is a perfectly valid alternative, he thinks.]

I would be happy to share a meal with you.

[eternallywandering]

You're part of our happy lives, you know.

[Sorry, Xingchen, you are already in his clutches. You just haven't realized it yet.]

What about some wine too? I'll make sure Lao Wen tastes it beforehand. I don't want to give you vinegar.

[binghua]

[If things were different...

He's already made things complicated in this world, let alone in the one he calls home. So many people he meets are remembered fondly afterward. Even with the people he doesn't like, he rarely holds grudges. His heart is a weak thing, opening itself up for practically anyone to ruin. But he just won't learn. Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing seem like lovely people, but he doesn't trust himself to properly judge their characters.

He's just a fool. Always, it seems.]

Wine, too. Just not too much lest I embarrass myself.

[eternallywandering]

Do you think I would let you embarrass yourself? I promise you, you're not someone I would ever hurt.

[Is he capable of hurting others? Absolutely. But he chooses not to cause those like Xingchen - those so pure it hurts - any issue. He just wants to help his friend find happiness - even if it's brief.]

Wanna hear about my curse?

[binghua]

[He laughs softly.]

I would let me embarrass myself. It's very unfortunate.

[The last time he drank was in Taravast and he ended up kissing a god. And then found out said god was married, so Xingchen definitely has some trust issues with himself.

Ah, but a subject change! He jumps on it almost breathlessly.]

Tell me.

[eternallywandering]

[A god got a kiss, but Zishu won't? Now he's jealous.]

How can you embarrass yourself if you are in safe company?

[He won't let anything bad happen to the cute daozhang! But, then again, Zishu's view of "bad" is a bit different.

The enthusiasm makes him chuckle.]

I have been cursed with indifference. [Sloth in other words.] I can feel myself...detaching.

[binghua]

[He was drunk!!!]

I'm sure I could still manage it.

[Zhou Zishu may laugh, but Xingchen immediately frowns upon hearing that answer, even if it can't be seen. That's a worrisome side effect.]

Have you thought of any way to break your curse?

[eternallywandering]

[The kiss must've been cute nonetheless!]

Have faith in yourself.

[He laughs because...in part...he has been here before. He cursed himself with indifference once.]

What's the opposite of indifference? I must force myself to care; to do good despite my desire to pull away from everyone.

[binghua]

[If you consider badly-aimed, very short, and not at all worthy of remark as cute...]

Do you usually consider yourself stubborn? I'm sure you can call upon that in some way, if so.

[A pause.]

If not, I would be happy to spare some time to sit with you.

[Even if he would be at risk of getting smooched.]

[eternallywandering]

[Actually, he does. Though he would fix the "very short" part.]

I am incredibly stubborn, yes. [He smiles, chuckling at the question.]

Can you spare some time with me anyway?

[binghua]

[Zishu plz]

I can make time for a friend. Where might I find you?

[He's been walking around the village so he has a vague idea of the layout.]

[eternallywandering]

[Plz what?]

How about I find you? What's around you?

[He won't have Xingchen wandering for his sake.]

[binghua]

[Plz behave yourself!]

I'm in front of the house I've been assigned to, mending some baskets. It's a wooden house, though I don't know if that's a good enough description. It has a termite problem, I think.

[Termites, or something else that likes to chew away at all hours.]

[eternallywandering]

[How does that work again?]

I can find you. Stay put and you'll have company soon.

[Mending baskets. Zishu grins and sets off, keeping his communicator close. Considering the house he has been assigned to falls to pieces at the same time each morning (before magically repairing itself), it won't surprise him if the termites aren't termites.

When he sees the man in the distance, he hurries the rest of the way and sits down at Xingchen's side.]

Do you need help?

[binghua]

[sob

But Xingchen does as asked, though he doesn't have any plans to run off anywhere, anyway. So he's happily sitting there, working on reinforcing a basket handle, when Zhou Zishu joins him. He offers his friend a smile in acknowledgment.]

Only if you'd like? I just found these around the village. There's no urgent need to fix them up, but I find it's good to keep the hands and mind busy.

[eternallywandering]

[It's safe to assume Zishu has never spent much time repairing baskets. But he is good with his hands and he picks up a basket with a broken handle, eying it thoughtfully.]

We'll be alright. [The dark bands around his wrists make the task harder, slowing him down.] Now let's talk about how to break your curse. Baskets won't be good enough for that.

[binghua]

We will.

[They have to be. There is no acceptable alternative.

Xingchen keeps fiddling with a strip of wood - bamboo? - doing his best to get the end tucked away so the handle won't come unattached again any time soon. It probably doesn't look pretty, but as long as the basket functions, that's all that matters.]

My curse? I hope what I spoke of earlier will be enough, my suggestion for people to offer up kind and inspiring words around the village.

[eternallywandering]

[He takes his cue from Xingchen and starts repairing the handle, strengthening it with another band of wood.]

Are you physically hurt, Daozhang? [Even being this close to Xingchen is rough for him; he had fought the nasty feelings for Kexing, but these are bothersome too. Only...lesser.]

I'll compliment everyone I see if it helps you.

[binghua]

[That's...an odd question. Xingchen tilts his head toward Zhou Zishu, frowning in confusion.]

No? Unless I've pricked my finger on the basket?

[He doesn't think he has. At least he doesn't remember feeling any pain. He holds his hands out for Zhou Zishu to inspect. But the next statement makes him shake his head.]

Don't force yourself if you don't want to.

[eternallywandering]

[He smiles, relieved at that answer. Xingchen's hands are taken, gently, and Zishu rests his cheek against them - one at a time.]

I don't want you to be hurt. [But there isn't much he can do about it.] How am I forcing myself? Everyone deserves to hear something nice.

[binghua]

[Oh. That's not the reaction he expected, but he doesn't pull his hands away. Still, it's probably a product of their earlier conversation about kissing that makes Xingchen's cheeks flush a little. He bows his head, hoping Zhou Zishu won't look at him so closely. Hopefully.]

You're very kind and more genuine than some people may be. I hope anyone else who takes up my idea does it for that reason and not just to help me, even if they do go hand in hand. Does that make sense?

[eternallywandering]

Yes, it makes perfect sense. [Zishu lays his cheek against one of Xingchen's palms, enjoying the contact. And, yes, he remembers the conversation about kisses. But he won't push this sweet man. He wants to be a comfort to him; not a gremlin.]

You are a selfless man who wants to do good in the world whether your name is attached to the deeds or not.

[binghua]

[Xingchen gives that cheek a few gentle pats, then finally starts to pull his hand back. He pats around the basket and finds where he had left off so he can start working on that again.]

I just wish for this particular instance to be handled correctly. It should have nothing to do with me.