[Audio]

[scrapgege]

I know not many people might be familiar with this, but... I need help to organize a ghost wedding.

[There are enough cultivators here that Xie Lian is pretty sure at least some of them will know what he is talking about.]

I have never had to do this, so I'm not quite sure exactly what rituals are involved. And it has to be a double wedding too, and I need to find one family with an son who died unwed and who would not mind this... I can ask around the village.

.... Do you think this might cost a lot of money to organize? Because that could be a problem ...

[He still has no money, and Yun Yifeng hasn't started his cult yet, so...]

Comments

un: chengmei | voice

[thesuspense]

...why?

[This is all, at first, because he's baffled.]

Do you just have oddly specific cravings?

Re: un: chengmei | voice

[scrapgege]

.... No.

[Why do you keep giving him this reputation, Xue Yang? Is this projecting we're seeing?]

It's because of that ancestor's curse. Mine is a girl who tried to seduce her twin sister's fiancee and to convince him to elope with her and was rejected.

I want to perform a ghost wedding for the right girl and her fiancée, and another one for this girl and another spirit, so they can all pass on.

[thesuspense]

Aish, what is it with all these convoluted stories? Why are these ghosts so particular? If you're resentful, don't be so specific about it.

[He has objections to this world's spirits, but whatever.]

You want to trap some unsuspecting ghost into a marriage with a girl who's bitter over losing a man to her own sister?

You are quite the matchmaker, young master.

[scrapgege]

Why do you hear words and then decide they mean something else entirely, young Master?

Who said anything about trapping?

[thesuspense]

What are the odds of you finding a ghost who is hard up enough that you can convince him some dead hag is his soulmate?

They're dead. They don't really need that much.

[scrapgege]

It's not actually that hard. You just need to speak to them and their families, and be kind.

Not everything needs to be made difficult, yet you always seem to want to do that with everything.

[thesuspense]

I'd think it's a little difficult to make a ghost fall in love with a ghost they've never met. There isn't that much of them left, as far as attachment goes. Or anything.

[scrapgege]

And again, no one said anything about falling in love. That's never been necessary for a wedding.

[thesuspense]

Sure, but what of the usual reasons can convince a ghost?

[scrapgege]

It's not the ghost you need to convince. It's their family.

[thesuspense]

Then I can see where money comes in.

I guess you could threaten them into compliance.

[scrapgege]

... No. There's no need to resort to that. And the money is for the wedding offerings.

[thesuspense]

No one here has much of anything and everyone in this wedding is dead. You'd be best off offering blood.

[scrapgege]

Listen, this is my problem and I will solve it my way. I am not making the situation worse with blood, that would help no one.

[thesuspense]

How well do you know the dead?

[scrapgege]

My husband is a ghost, so pretty well, I would say.

[thesuspense]

Huh.

[A pause. It's filled with something.]

That explains how pent up you are.

[scrapgege]

.... I don't understand.

[thesuspense]

Huh.

I'm crude, don't you recall?

[scrapgege]

Uhm, yes, I do remember, but I still don't get it?

[thesuspense]

Does he fuck?

[scrapgege]

... Well you don't have to say it like that, but yes.

[thesuspense]

You didn't get it any other way. I've been trying.

Interesting though, most ghosts can't. Is he here?

[He wants to meet the ghost who fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.]

[scrapgege]

No, he's not. It's probably for the best with the way this place is about dead people.

[thesuspense]

Marrying them off randomly?