un: pillar of the heavens | video

[inkfire]

[ Mo Ran stands in the southern wing at sunset, a beautiful cascade of golden flowers raining down upon him. He holds a golden petal in his hand, admiring its glow. He's a handsome figure, dressed in a formal black suit, as though prepared to go to dinner already, with some of the flowers caught in his hair, but his normally cheerful expression is morose. His eyes glimmer with tears that haven't yet fallen. ]

How do you know if you're in love with someone? [ He addresses the question to the camera, but his attention is still on the petal in his hand. ] I thought I loved someone for a long time, but then I left home and never saw him and didn't think about him at all, while my mind was filled with thoughts of someone else.

[ He blinks, a tear trickling down his cheek. Mo Ran ignores it, still lost in thought. ]

And where is the line between guilt and love? [ He rubs the petal between his fingers, then lets it drift away, catching another one. ] He was... kind to me when I did nothing to deserve it and returned his kindness with cruelty. I respect him tremendously, so maybe that's all? But whenever I'm here, all I can think about is him.

[ He's being dramatic, he knows that well, but something about the southern wing just makes him think too much about his relationships. He sighs, dropping the petal again, and finally brushes the tear away from his cheek. ]

Oh, the castle seems reluctant to let me into the kitchen to help cook. Has anyone had any luck? I'm not complaining about the food served to us, but I'd still like to use the kitchen. What if I forget how to make noodles?

Comments

un: absterge

[downswing]

( Ah, a broken heart. Lan Wangji's half-life-long ailing. No, he does not suit this. )

...past midday. I shall take you to the kitchens.

[inkfire]

Is that when the kitchen staff sleeps?

[downswing]

When I return to the castle.

[inkfire]

Did you run away?

[downswing]

To the forest.

[inkfire]

You shouldn't play catch with those wolves, they look dangerous.

[downswing]

Perhaps some may advise them on sheep's clothes.

Be at ease. At midday, the kitchens.

[inkfire]

They'd need a lot of sheep skins.

Midday, the kitchens. Do you cook, Senior?

[downswing]

Am I to deprive Mo Weiyu of skill?

[inkfire]

You wouldn't, I'm sure. Probably made your disciples learn things by doing, huh?

[downswing]

Freedom suited their temperaments.

Why cook? We are attended.

[inkfire]

Did you set them free??

I enjoy cooking. I've had a couple of dishes from home but I'd like more.

[downswing]

You cook with spice?

[inkfire]

Sometimes. I am practicing dishes that are not heavy on the spice, however.

[downswing]

Create spiced sauces beside them.

[inkfire]

You have experience doing such things.

[downswing]

...regrettably false. You may produce some.

un: worm wife / audio

[wifedup]

( Oho. )

You're pining in a possibly haunted castle. If your thoughts are of this person and not, oh say, the myriad of sentient instruments possibly plotting our demise, then I'm fairly certain it's more than platonic.

Just a thought.

un: pillar of the heavens | audio

[inkfire]

The sentient instruments plotting our demise and the weird, unnatural wolves seem normal for this place—hardly a big deal. [ They're not the worst threat. ]

I do know it's much more than platonic but I'm not sure if it's love.

[wifedup]

Ohh.

( The single heroic tear tells a different story. )

Well, what does love look like to you?

[inkfire]

[ That tear is doing a lot of work here. ]

Cherishing and respecting them and not sullying them with my affections.

[wifedup]

( Oh no, he's not drunk enough to unpack all of that. )

Are you affections so poor that they would?

[inkfire]

Yes.

[ He's not going to unpack that, though. ]

But I do not feel that way towards him.

[wifedup]

Affectionate?

[inkfire]

Yes. And other ways.

[wifedup]

If you don't feel affectionate then why are you so worried about love? They usually come hand in hand.

[inkfire]

I meant I do feel affection. But he was the one who believed in me, even when I didn't deserve it, and he's my teacher, so maybe it's just gratitude?

[wifedup]

Oh, a forbidden romance! I see, I see.

( Does he sound gleeful? Maybe. He's very bored and this is more interesting. )

Well, you certainly aren't the first to want to jump their shifu's bones, you won't be the last. ( Conversationally. ) You know, most people don't twist themselves into knots over another person unless they do, actually, want something more. So take everything else away, the guilt and what have you, if you were just any ordinary person and your teacher another ordinary person and you met on the streets or in a tavern - what would you do? What would you want from them?

[inkfire]

I have never considered that option. [ His shizun has always been such a god-like figure that thinking of him as an ordinary person is a challenge. ] In this, does he still look the same? Assuming he does, then I would want... something inappropriate.

[wifedup]

So, just fucking then? That's fair enough. I wouldn't be working myself into a state over sex however.

[inkfire]

Not just that, though I do want that. I want to take him home and protect him.

[wifedup]

Ah.

( Ahhhh. )

Well. There's your answer.

[inkfire]

Yeah. [ Ahhh indeed. ] Thank you, Senior.

[wifedup]

Eh! Less of that, I'm hardly ancient.

( Also he's missed his calling as a matchmaker. ) But, hm. Don't worry yourself into knots. Your teacher isn't here. Who knows how long you'll be stuck away from them? You can use the time to get your head and your heart in tandem but what good is fretting?

And remember! The clingy man always wears them down!

un: bottled up inside | video;

[deescalate]

I don't know if I've ever been in love, but...I think if you're always thinking of someone fondly and miss them when they're not around, then that's probably a good sign of it.

un: pillar of the heavens | video

[inkfire]

Do you have someone you think of fondly?

Huh. I guess I do think of him fondly now, and I definitely miss him. But my cousin also thinks of him fondly, and the other person I thought I was in love with, I'm sure he thinks of our mentor fondly.

[deescalate]

I do.

[Then the rest comes out and Cal's eyes widen a bit. He suddenly wonders if he's misheard something.]

Oh. He's your mentor? Um...I can't say I know how that feels. I mean, aside from platonically.

[inkfire]

Do you think you love them? The person you think of fondly, not your mentor. If you have one. [ Some people don't, he's gathered. ] So maybe I just think of him fondly, as a student to a mentor.

[deescalate]

[Cal opens his mouth, then closes it, looking away as his fair skin flushes slightly.]

I might. I grew up in an order where attachment was forbidden, so this is all kinda new to me. But I know I feel differently about her than I did my master. I respected him. I'm grateful for everything he taught me before...before he died.

[He clears his throat.]

The way I feel about my partner is more...romantic. I guess.

un: nami (text)

[cartographie]

Does thinking about them make you wish you could think about anything else, even if you can't? Do you want to get drunk about it if you think too much?

[inkfire]

I don't mind thinking about him. But I do want to get drunk about it if I think too much. It's easier than thinking.

[cartographie]

[ Sorry, she cannot actually imagine the not minding part. ]

Drinking is much easier than thinking, about anyone, in my experience. Do you think about what he would think, or say, about things that happen to you here if he knew?

[inkfire]

Oh, about what's going on here? He was here for a bit, so he knows. He'd want me to do my best and be disappointed if I failed at things.

audio; average sighren

[lanclan]

[ Wow, the wild unrequited teen love vibes in here are off the chain. ]

Tell them you love them, Mo Weiyu. Just tell them.

un: pillar of the heavens | audio

[inkfire]

Is it truly that simple?

un: song | voice;

[spoilers]

I'd say you already have your answer.

( This is her best attempt at being sympathetic, unfortunately. )

[inkfire]

[ it's about what he deserves ]

I guess I do love him.