VIDEO ➤➤➤ UN: OIL CHANGE

[nachocheese]

[ Nacho's face appears on video. He looks stressed. That's not really unusual. He often looks stressed!

What is unusual is the specific way that he looks stressed right now. It's hard to tell because the shift isn't drastic, and his skin is on the tanner side anyway, but if you closely you can see that he's... maybe blushing? A little?

He rubs a hand over the back of his shaved neck and takes a deep breath. He looks away, momentarily, from the screen. Then back. ]

Sooooo.... [ Shit. ] Hey. Uh. There's, like, a lot of kids and shit here, right? Teenagers? People who didn't go to normal school? [ He swallows. ] Wait. Hang on. I didn't mean to swear in front of... uh... in front of all the kids.

[ Nacho pauses. Tries to think about how he wants to word this. He switches tactics. Blunt is better for this. No sense beating around the bush. ]

Hey. Listen up.

I know this might not be a good time for it, but I'm not sure there's gonna ever be, and if you ask me, a lot of you need to hear it. If I don't say it now, I don't think I'm gonna, and some of you really, really should not be parents.

You feel me?

[ He hesitates. Even longer. He can't believe he's doing this. But he has become Concerned (TM). ]

You're all officially enrolled in Nacho Varga School of Sex Ed.

First thing, don't have sex. Don't have sex in the missionary position. Don't have sex standing up. Just... don't have sex. You're gonna get pregnant. And die.

But, if you have sex, wear a condom. If you don't know what a condom is because they don't have anything like that where you're from, it's like a little bag that goes over your [ he whistles, and makes a vulgar hand gesture that a lot of people would probably be able to peg as a symbol for 'boner' ]. It helps make it so you don't have kids. And if you don't know what a condom is because you're too young, then you shouldn't even be listening to this.

Next. You gotta get consent. That means you can't just do things without asking. Not unless you wanna get knifed. Do you wanna get knifed? [ Silence; slightly intimidating, knowing look into the camera. ] Yeah, that's what I thought.

Okay. Last thing. Never go ass to mouth. That's how you get diseases. And die. Just don't do it.

That's, uh, yeah. That's it, I think. Peace.

[ There's one final vision of Nacho's bright-red face, and then the screen goes completely dark. ]

Comments

video;

[reparo]

[ pops in to wave hello very tentatively. ]

I think it depends on your definition of a teen, Kamala. Considering all that we've been put through in this place, however, I'm inclined to say that the vast majority of us young adults [ pointedly using this term, because teens who are forced to grow up fast should not be called children by boomers anyone. ] have had to do fast growing up...

[cosplayqueen]

[Kamala waves enthusiastically at the camera.] Hey, Hermione! It's awesome to see you.

You do make a super good point. We have been through a lot of stuff. If Nakia were here she'd probably say the whole fighting for our lives on a regular basis thing required way more maturity than sex.

[reparo]

That's my thought exactly.

[cosplayqueen]

You and Nakia are total twinsies. [Said like the greatest compliment she could give. It really is.] I don't know how I feel about my age. My parents are super protective so it's not like I'm used to even doing the whole teenage thing most of the time.

1/4

[reparo]

[Twinsies? She knew twins and - nevermind, actually, let's not think back to that.]

[reparo]

[As is the part where she thinks about protective parents. Her parents - ]

[reparo]

[NO SUBJECT IS SAFE]

[reparo]

And instead of having time and freedom to explore it, you're dropped in this place.

[cosplayqueen]

Yeah... that's pretty much it. I don't want to make it sound like I'm ragging on them. They're great parents. They're great people. They had super valid reasons for being insanely protective of me. They were getting way better about letting go!

[Long pause........] Like a couple weeks before I was dropped here.