Ignacio "Nacho" Varga (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nachocheese) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
eastbound2023-07-29 06:00 pm
nachocheese) wrote in eastbound2023-07-29 06:00 pm
Entry tags:
- better call saul: jimmy mcgill,
- better call saul: kim wexler,
- better call saul: nacho varga,
- harry potter: hermione granger,
- lockwood & co: anthony lockwood,
- marvel: marc spector,
- mcu: yelena,
- oh! my emperor: beitang moran,
- owl house: eda clawthorne,
- penny dreadful: vanessa ives,
- star wars: cal kestis,
- untamed: lan xichen
VIDEO ➤➤➤ UN: OIL CHANGE
[ Nacho's face appears on video. He looks stressed. That's not really unusual. He often looks stressed!
What is unusual is the specific way that he looks stressed right now. It's hard to tell because the shift isn't drastic, and his skin is on the tanner side anyway, but if you closely you can see that he's... maybe blushing? A little?
He rubs a hand over the back of his shaved neck and takes a deep breath. He looks away, momentarily, from the screen. Then back. ]
Sooooo.... [ Shit. ] Hey. Uh. There's, like, a lot of kids and shit here, right? Teenagers? People who didn't go to normal school? [ He swallows. ] Wait. Hang on. I didn't mean to swear in front of... uh... in front of all the kids.
[ Nacho pauses. Tries to think about how he wants to word this. He switches tactics. Blunt is better for this. No sense beating around the bush. ]
Hey. Listen up.
I know this might not be a good time for it, but I'm not sure there's gonna ever be, and if you ask me, a lot of you need to hear it. If I don't say it now, I don't think I'm gonna, and some of you really, really should not be parents.
You feel me?
[ He hesitates. Even longer. He can't believe he's doing this. But he has become Concerned (TM). ]
You're all officially enrolled in Nacho Varga School of Sex Ed.
First thing, don't have sex. Don't have sex in the missionary position. Don't have sex standing up. Just... don't have sex. You're gonna get pregnant. And die.
But, if you have sex, wear a condom. If you don't know what a condom is because they don't have anything like that where you're from, it's like a little bag that goes over your [ he whistles, and makes a vulgar hand gesture that a lot of people would probably be able to peg as a symbol for 'boner' ]. It helps make it so you don't have kids. And if you don't know what a condom is because you're too young, then you shouldn't even be listening to this.
Next. You gotta get consent. That means you can't just do things without asking. Not unless you wanna get knifed. Do you wanna get knifed? [ Silence; slightly intimidating, knowing look into the camera. ] Yeah, that's what I thought.
Okay. Last thing. Never go ass to mouth. That's how you get diseases. And die. Just don't do it.
That's, uh, yeah. That's it, I think. Peace.
[ There's one final vision of Nacho's bright-red face, and then the screen goes completely dark. ]
What is unusual is the specific way that he looks stressed right now. It's hard to tell because the shift isn't drastic, and his skin is on the tanner side anyway, but if you closely you can see that he's... maybe blushing? A little?
He rubs a hand over the back of his shaved neck and takes a deep breath. He looks away, momentarily, from the screen. Then back. ]
Sooooo.... [ Shit. ] Hey. Uh. There's, like, a lot of kids and shit here, right? Teenagers? People who didn't go to normal school? [ He swallows. ] Wait. Hang on. I didn't mean to swear in front of... uh... in front of all the kids.
[ Nacho pauses. Tries to think about how he wants to word this. He switches tactics. Blunt is better for this. No sense beating around the bush. ]
Hey. Listen up.
I know this might not be a good time for it, but I'm not sure there's gonna ever be, and if you ask me, a lot of you need to hear it. If I don't say it now, I don't think I'm gonna, and some of you really, really should not be parents.
You feel me?
[ He hesitates. Even longer. He can't believe he's doing this. But he has become Concerned (TM). ]
You're all officially enrolled in Nacho Varga School of Sex Ed.
First thing, don't have sex. Don't have sex in the missionary position. Don't have sex standing up. Just... don't have sex. You're gonna get pregnant. And die.
But, if you have sex, wear a condom. If you don't know what a condom is because they don't have anything like that where you're from, it's like a little bag that goes over your [ he whistles, and makes a vulgar hand gesture that a lot of people would probably be able to peg as a symbol for 'boner' ]. It helps make it so you don't have kids. And if you don't know what a condom is because you're too young, then you shouldn't even be listening to this.
Next. You gotta get consent. That means you can't just do things without asking. Not unless you wanna get knifed. Do you wanna get knifed? [ Silence; slightly intimidating, knowing look into the camera. ] Yeah, that's what I thought.
Okay. Last thing. Never go ass to mouth. That's how you get diseases. And die. Just don't do it.
That's, uh, yeah. That's it, I think. Peace.
[ There's one final vision of Nacho's bright-red face, and then the screen goes completely dark. ]
un: manic marbles | video
If any of this is actually new information to anyone here, regardless of age, please see just about any adult here that isn't Nacho Varga.
[And, more directly to Nacho:]
Was this really necessary?
un: oil change | video
Because he's maybe just a tiny bit intimidated by her. Who wouldn't be?He does find it in him to give her a tiny smile and roll his shoulders in a shrug, though. ]
That depends. Define "necessary."
no subject
It was rhetorical, Ignacio.
video | un: oil change
[ The eyebrow raise makes him feel like a child being scolded by his schoolteacher. Kim has that effect on people, it seems.
He looks down. Then, shyly, back up. Teeny tiny smile, at once genuinely anxious and slightly shit-eating. ]
I think sometimes people need something to take their mind off of all of the horrible things that happen to us all the time. Y'know?
[ He searches her face for recognition. Hopeful, nervous. ]
no subject
Kim's fine, Nacho.
I get it. More colourful than I remember from the 80s, though.
no subject
Okay. Kim.
I wanted to spice it up.