un: wooden dice.

[strewth]

[The voice is definitely English, a scouse accent mixing slightly with bits of Cockney, if one is the sort to recognize it.]

Lovely weather we're having in this sodding fishbowl. Nearly reminds me of home. Ah, hfff, something to lighten the spirit. I've got a story.

Have you lot heard of Ellethia? Couldn't tell you how it's spelled; I haven't the foggiest whether we're playing with Fake Latin or fake Greek. Gorgeous country, it is; proper Byronic. Maybe fake Greek, then.

It were haunted.

D'you remember a bloke prancing around during the communal head trip? Stroppy bastard he was, complaining to me about tea and infanticide. Reckon he had more sparkling conversation for you lot. Wore white. Ghosts in your Ellethia said he got a uniform from them. Or from there, at least.

Don't all rush to thank me. Weren't alone. Your girl Lila, she were dead helpful. Distracted the ghosts she did. I'm sure she'll love the credit, hehh.

And that'd make me John Constantine. [It rhymes with Clementine.] Ain't me first brush with ghosts, let's say. Magic, that rubbish, have you ever seen any? The real stuff, I mean.

Comments

[strewth]

It's a start.

Favor, yeah. Push me into a haunted bloody house. Right. [A crackling noise, an intake of breath; the man is smoking.] I'm not here to teach grade schoolers that things can be done for more than one reason.

[somebadnews]

[ That’s two strikes. ]

You were hoping for something more exciting?

[strewth]

More exciting than someone being superior in Latin? A little bit.

[somebadnews]

It's not the skill I usually lead with.

[ He's not even going to mention universal translators, because he could understand him either way. ]

The novelty of ghosts wears off after a while. Is that how you usually have to talk to them? Or does that have to do with your other hobbies?

[strewth]

[Now, finally, dropping back into English:] Ghosts're just like any other people, lad. Talk like anybody else. Mostly boring rubbish.

[The hiss of a cigarette over the line.]

S'all connected, innit? Magic, death, dreams, demons.

[somebadnews]

[ His eye twitches at every 'lad'. Klaus might describe ghosts differently. Five has enough experience with the dead now that he's become more sympathetic to his brother, but that doesn't extend to John here.

One of those things is not like the others. ]

That all depends. You work with demons?

[strewth]

[time 2 b pretentious-]

Work with, no, more like use.

[somebadnews]

[ Five knows someone who is going to love hearing that. He's more or less obligated to ask: ]

What does that mean? You control them?

[strewth]

Sometimes. Depends on the caliber. Some need to be persuaded, some ordered, sometimes you cut a deal, sign a contract. The practice is knowing what's needed, when.

[somebadnews]

Now why would you need to do that?

[strewth]

It's me vocation, squire. When folk grow up, they get jobs.

[somebadnews]

You don't say. Is that a common profession in whatever shithole you crawled out of?

[strewth]

You'll have to do better if you want to insult Liverpool, mate.

[somebadnews]

I could, but I've been worse places. [ He's been everywhere. All over time, if not every parallel universe. ] I don't remember it crawling with demons. They must have you to thank for that.

[strewth]

[He'd have something ruder to say, if this wasn't just so obviously a stupid kid playing at tough. Christ, we were all there, once.]

Alright, lad. Goes like this. Demons live in Hell, see? Hell with the capital letter 'H'. [Haitch.] Sometimes, they sneak out, and you stuff 'em back. Sometimes, you call 'em up for a favor. They ain't supposed to be anywhere, though. That's why they're sodding demons.

And if you're looking for more ultimate secrets to magic-with-a-J-and-a-K, you can read a bloody book. I don't teach sprogs. 'Kinell, I don't teach anybody.

[somebadnews]

[ Thinking he's just a harmless kid has to be the most obnoxious way to learn about him, but it's easier over the network where he can bottle his rage. ]

Just getting to know Lila's new friend. I figured they paired you together for a reason.