Zhou Zishu | Zhou Xu (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
eternallywandering) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
eastbound2022-06-13 06:53 am
eternallywandering) wrote in eastbound2022-06-13 06:53 am
[Video; UN: heavenly four seasons]
I never knew being sick would work in my favor. [Guess who is rooming in a private cabin with the ladies?] I sleep with one eye open in case the crew decides to throw me overboard.
[He is trying so very hard to find the humor in...everything. He is also drinking any and all alcohol he can find. Shhh. It's fine.]
Daozhang Xingchen, if you can see this, please respond. Actually...
Anyone who stood in the way of the volcano, I want to talk with you.
Cheers. [He lifts a bottle.]
[He is trying so very hard to find the humor in...everything. He is also drinking any and all alcohol he can find. Shhh. It's fine.]
Daozhang Xingchen, if you can see this, please respond. Actually...
Anyone who stood in the way of the volcano, I want to talk with you.
Cheers. [He lifts a bottle.]
action
You're not lost.
[He wraps his other arm around Xingchen's waist, hugging him to his side.]
You have me. I won't die.
action
Please don't die. You're my friend.
[The words feel as if they're coming from a child, pleading with the impossible. It's foolish. If someone is going to die, then there isn't anything anyone can do about it. It's a part of life. Xingchen knows that. He knows.
He's just also selfish sometimes, even if he doesn't show it.]
action
Those words bring tears to his eyes and he laughs shakily.]
And you're mine.
[He inhales the clean sea air and nods.]
I'm very stubborn. I won't leave you, Daozhang.
action
Feeling arms wrapped around him, giving himself over to an embrace he hasn't experienced nearly often enough, is almost too much. And then Zhou Zishu promises and Xingchen wants to believe.
He never thought anything could sever his and Song Lan's connection, after all, but...he pushed Xingchen away. And decidedly so. Xingchen can't help but think if Song Lan were to see him now and all the decisions he's made while in this world, he would want absolutely nothing to do with Xingchen.
He told Zhou Zishu his sins. And he's still here, treating him like he's a good person, like he's worth something.
Xingchen breathes Zhou Zishu in for a few moments, trying to keep his emotions from spilling over. He needs to move and collect himself, but being held is so wonderful and it takes longer than necessary to make himself pull away.]
You may be stubborn, but you are also very patient.
action
He knows of Xue Yang. He knows of Song Lan. At least partially. Even if he knew the full story, he wouldn't push Xingchen from him. The poor man deserves understanding and...a friend. A true friend. Not one that requires something of him.
For the first time since he felt himself severed from Wen Kexing, Zishu finds a moment of peace. He won't be the one to break the embrace. Xiao Xingchen is too wonderful, too soft and too sweet.]
I haven't had to be patient with you. [He wants to be clear. What Xingchen has sought from him; what he has told him hasn't overwhelmed him.] You have been a balm for me. My only regret is not returning the comfort.
But you can trust me and depend on me. No matter what.
action
Friendship is a meeting of souls, not a collection of debts, imagined or otherwise. We do what we can for each other. I need nothing more than that.
[He exhales, though, and offers a weak smile.]
But the offer is mutual. I am always here if you need me.
action
As your friend I promise to support you, to protect you and to stand by your side.
[Through thick and thin. The smile is returned warmly.]
You have proven that. I didn't expect you to be there in the volcano and yet... You were.
action
I will do the same, to the best of my capabilities.
[He gives those hands a quick squeeze.]
I can still fight as I used to, but I do not if I can help it. I went to the volcano in the hopes of helping in some other way. I suppose it worked, just not necessarily for me.
Re: action
I do not doubt you.
[He smiles and tilts his head.]
Tell me what you are experiencing. It's meaningless to stand against it alone when we are likely plagued by the same curse.
action
[Which doesn't explain very much, but while this is physically happening to his body, it's kind of abstract at the same time. Xingchen reaches out and pats around for a moment until he finds something to sit on. Cargo, he hopes, and nothing terribly valuable.
His hands drift down to his navel as he explains further.]
The spirits I absorbed from the volcano still reside within me and they especially like my Golden Core. It is unharmed, so far as I can tell, but I do not feel as I should.
They are not at peace. It feels very much like resentful energy. I have wondered if this is what demonic cultivation feels like.
action
It's pitiful that, in his current state, he has no idea if he too is haunted. Maybe those are the voices?]
I think they must remain with me too. [Thus why the effects linger. Yes, that makes sense. Sighing, he lays his hand on top of Xingchen's.]
Demonic Cultivation makes use of them, Daozhang. You are not cruel enough to ignore their pain and treat them as tools.
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[He can sense Zhou Zishu kneeling and, even though Xingchen can't see him, he angles his face down toward his friend.]
No, of course not, but the resentment is still there. If I don't focus beyond it, I would not be surprised if it overwhelmed me.
[He shakes his head.]
You said they are still probably within you, as well? How are you feeling?
action
[Zishu entwines their fingers and tips his head back, focusing on the sweet face above his.]
Your cultivation is like a conversation. The spirits are standing between you and your core. They have wants and desires of their own and those conflict with yours.
[And his.]
Tired. Threadbare. I feel like my strength was cut in half with Lao Wen's disappearance and now everything is muddled.
action
I would not be able to put it so eloquently if I had two lifetimes.
[But that smile fades just as quickly as it had appeared. This isn't something he can fix with well-chosen words or some physical gift. Mourning, even if someone is not dead, can be a lengthy process.
He pulls one of his hands free and hesitantly reaches out to find the side of Zhou Zishu's face. He cups a cheek for a moment, then moves up to brush some hair aside, as well as place his location in relation to his own. Then, Xingchen leans down and presses a light kiss to his friend's forehead, letting it linger a little longer than necessary.
It won't bring Wen Kexing back and it won't fill the emptiness, but he hopes this miserable little act reminds Zhou Zishu that he isn't alone.]
action
I've taught a lot of disciples. You find the words you need after a lot of practice.
[No, they can't fix it even by understanding it. But he hasn't lost hope that there is a cure. If this world has cursed them, it can provide the remedy.
The sudden motion has him blinking until he realizes Xingchen's sweet intent. He leans into the kiss and smiles softly, letting the contact trickle through him, reminding him that life is a gift.
And the daozhang won't escape without a kiss of his own - to his cheek. Zishu lingers there too, wanting his friend to know the support, the affection, goes both ways.]
action
The kiss to his cheek brings a little smile to his own face and he can't help but remember the time Zhou Zishu snuck one on him while they were Ke-Waihu. Xingchen thought this man's company was just as wonderful back then, too. He pulls away after a moment and lets some silence fall between them. Nothing awkward, just a passing time.]
May I ask...what it was like? Teaching.
action
With Xingchen it's hardly a sacrifice since he enjoys the man's companionship. He is also keeping tally of the number of kisses he gives him. This would make two, wouldn't it? Good.]
Terrifying at first. I didn't feel deserving of the position. My Master died young and I was younger still. Suddenly I had a whole manor looking to me for guidance.
But somewhere along the way I figured out that they were ready and willing to give me their loyalty. Teaching them became second nature. I had to prepare them for what they would face.