un: daozhang | audio

[binghua]

I have been thinking lately, perhaps too much, about forgiveness. Or, rather, resentment, especially with regards to these curses we've been gifted. I don't know what everyone else has to break, but mine involves jealousy and, thus, its own kind of resentment. I think most lingering cases such as these stem from unhappiness along a similar vein.

As a cultivator, it is my duty to cleanse such resentment from the dead so as not to affect the living in their wake. I am willing to help anyone else who may need it, though I fear I may not be as much help as others. I'm not sure I'm the best at forgiveness, either, even for myself...

[Xingchen's voice trails off, almost as if he forgets he's talking to anyone else, but he quickly recovers and clears his throat.]

I'm rambling. What I mean to say is I would like your cooperation if it's not too much to ask. As I said before my curse involves jealousy and words spoken in anger and dissatisfaction. I would like for as many of us to instead spread words of affirmation around the village. It might sound silly, and maybe it is, but I believe even something so small can make a difference. For example, last night I told one of the bartenders he had a pleasing voice. It doesn't have to be anything complicated, just kind.

Don't feel as if I'm forcing you, either. No one has to help if they don't want to.

Comments

[thesuspense]

Crude, daozhang?

[There are so many ways to put so much into his voice and he uses all of them there.]

Ah. You think so? Because this was nothing. I could be.

I could be appreciating you.

[binghua]

[Extremely low standards? Meet rock bottom.

Xingchen sighs. He had expected this, is the worst part, but it doesn't make it any better to hear. He swallows, speaking just above a whisper, almost pleading.]

Please don't.

[thesuspense]

[There's a sigh, for whatever reason, but it's audible.

And when he speaks, his voice is soft too, and sincere.]

You are kind, daozhang. I appreciate that.

[binghua]

[He doesn't know what to do with this. He shouldn't do anything with it; this is Xue Yang. A murderer, the worst person in Xingchen's life. But he's actually trying, for whatever reason, and Xingchen can't just ignore that, right? He's been trying since...maybe Taravast.

Xingchen swallows back an accusation, though. If Xue Yang thinks he's kind, then why did he still ruin his life? It's all backwards. But he himself is trying to be positive and if he spits this out at Xue Yang, he'll just be proving himself a hypocrite. Which, considering he's also a fool, would probably not make much difference.]

...I want to be kind. And fair.

[thesuspense]

Is it possible to be both?

[He is not sure. Fairness seems to be very different from kindness to him. Besides, who is the person that decides either?]

Can it ever be fair to be kind to me?

[binghua]

Fairness is its own kindness, isn't it?

[It's more a rhetorical question. He knows Xue Yang doesn't have the same way of seeing the world.]

To treat everyone as equals, even if it might mean some have to face consequences. To keep everyone as safe as possible.

[The next question leaves Xingchen quiet. 'Fair' with regards to Xue Yang... He wants to say no, that Xue Yang gave up all his rights to be treated fairly. But, again, wouldn't that just make his words hypocritical? Treat everyone as equals. Shouldn't Xue Yang have had that same courtesy as a child?

Xingchen breathes out.]

I don't know.

[He's not sure about anything.]

I think...maybe.