[un: Chengmei] video

[thesuspense]

Did any good come from your parents?

[Perhaps that seems like a personal question. He does not care.]

What's the point of family?

[Now, this may seem cynical, and it possibly is, but he doesn't really sound it. He doesn't seem bitter, he smiled a little, then looks to a point off-screen.]

See, daozhang? I'm trying.

[A pause, then he corrects himself with a wave of one hand.]

Hear.

Comments

un : deft hand of little deaths (voice)

[scrapgege]

My parents were very good people.

... Well, I didn't get along very well with my father, but I think all sons probably have a moment like that. Bur they did their best to raise me into someone the country could be proud of.

un: chengmei | voice

[thesuspense]

And you are what they got?

[It's possible that this exercise in potential curse removal would be a little less doomed if he elected to be anything other than a little shit at any point, but then it wouldn't be him.]

So, nothing much good? What would you say?

voice

[scrapgege]

That's...... the opposite of what I said.

voice

[thesuspense]

You are just full of yourself.

What country is proud of you?

voice

[scrapgege]

My country doesn't exist anymore. But back then, for a while, they were proud of calling me their Crown Prince.

I don't know that I repaid them well enough.

voice

[thesuspense]

Then how was I wrong? Doesn't sound like much good came from you.

Why would anyone would be proud to call anyone their ruler? No one cares, as long as they don't starve and don't have to go to war for any petty rich man squabble.

[He reconsiders all of that, then slaps his forehead, audibly, and amends.]

Ah, your parents were proud. I guess I can see what you got out of them. Crown prince.

voice

[scrapgege]

Do you think Xiao-daozhang would be proud of you right now?

voice

[thesuspense]

No, I don't think he's ever proud of me. Why would he?

I'm trying to understand parental love.

voice

[scrapgege]

By.... talking down and insulting everyone who is trying to answer your question?

How is that working for you?

Re: voice

[thesuspense]

I've mostly just insulted you. Maybe that other one, but he was asking for it.

I do see how you profited off your parents.

voice

[scrapgege]

No, you don't. You don't know anything about my parents, or what happened to me.

If you're just trying to rile me up, you're going to have to try harder. I've been alive for more than 800 years, and during a majority of these, people blamed me for their misfortunes. You're not saying anything I haven't heard a thousand times over.

voice

[thesuspense]

I wasn't trying to rile you up just then, old master.

[Although he's fairly confident that he could, should he want to, because that's what his considerably shorter life span had taught him. He has managed to rile up just about anyone he's ever come across.]

Anyway. I do want to understand it. What role a parent's love can play. You don't think it's about profit?

Re: voice

[scrapgege]

It doesn't have to be a parent. A child will benefit from anyone's love. A loved child will feel safe and so they will be better able to learn and to experience the world.

I'm sorry you didn't get to have that.

[thesuspense]

[There is a pause and there is some rustle of clothes, as he changes position. But he can't be seen, only heard, and his voice sounds nonchalant enough.]

I was too stupid to know how unloved and unsafe I was for a time, so I doubt it did that much harm.

What kind of world does it prepare a child for, that? Love. Not the real world.

[scrapgege]

Oh, you knew. Children always know. As for how much harm it did...

Well, we can all see the result now, I guess.

[thesuspense]

As you say, young master. Old master.

[There's a pause, there's a quiet laugh, and then he asks a question again, wherever his mind has wandered in the meantime.]

Would it be better for the unloved children to not be born?

[scrapgege]

That's not really for me to decide, is it? Besides, how can you know a child will not be loved before it even exists?

[thesuspense]

You don't exactly need to be a fortune teller in some cases. Do you think it's that hard to predict? When it's a daughter instead of the desired son? When it's just another mouth to feed in a family that's starving? When it's hidden to spare a supposed maiden the embarrassment?

I didn't know children could be loved. It doesn't happen that often.

[scrapgege]

It does, though. It's unfair that it didn't happen to you.

[thesuspense]

That's all right. I made my own justice.

[scrapgege]

And we can all see how that turned out....

[thesuspense]

I wonder. If I had been less capable, I'd have stayed no one.

I told daozhang that I'd rather not have been born. For daozhang's sake.

But do I have to hate that I met daozhang? I can't.

[scrapgege]

Is it really so bad to be no one?

[thesuspense]

Ah. Spoken like a true master.

[scrapgege]

I spent a lot of my life being no one and it was... well, it wasn't easy, but I think it was probably easier on me than the rest was.