text | un:thewrench

[in_theworks]

Hello? Hello, is this thing on?

Huh, cool.

Anyway, uh. Hi, I'm Wrench, and this newbie has two questions. One, is there anything the Wicked Witch of the West might not have shared that might be important? [he means Karsa] And two, what's to stop a guy from using this piazza thing to share a few dozen dick jokes with the entire city?

[he probably won't actually do that. maybe. maybe not. someone please talk him out of it]

Comments

[in_theworks]

Boo.

... Do they not have cows, where you're from?

MAN, you are missing out on things like milk. And LEATHER.

[chosenfordarkness]

i know what a cow is! what's with the punchline.

[in_theworks]

It's a food?

Also kind of a wordplay on stroking off, aka masturbation.

Lemme try something else.

I'm not sure how I feel about masturbation, but on the one hand, it feels pretty great!

... is that better?

[chosenfordarkness]

oh.

eh, it's okay. why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

he had a reptile dysfunction.

[in_theworks]

Nice.

So, hey. Serious question. If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

[chosenfordarkness]

almost certainly.

haha, that one's good.

[in_theworks]

Thanks!

But SERIOUS serious question, this time. Who're you?

[he didn't catch your name, Anakin]

[chosenfordarkness]

oh, sorry.

Anakin Skywalker, good to meet you.

[in_theworks]

Okay, now you're just fucking with me.

[please tell him Star Wars is real. please tell him Star Wars is real]

[chosenfordarkness]

..No?

What reason would I have?

I don't even know you.

[in_theworks]

There's no way you're THE Anakin Skywalker, though.

[chosenfordarkness]

You're familiar with me?

Can't say I remember meeting anybody named Wrench.

[in_theworks]

A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY.

Dude, you're a legend.

But okay

Okay

Prove it.

[chosenfordarkness]

You're not making any fucking sense.


...I think 'legend' is an over-exaggeration. War hero, maybe. The holonet seems to think so, anyway.

I don't know how you expect me to prove that I'm me over this thing.

[in_theworks]

Whew, sorry. Nerdgasm.

Um. IDK.

There's a voice thing on this, isn't there?

Say something.

Say something COOL.

text > audio

[chosenfordarkness]

[ There are a few seconds of silence before he says two words, dripping with sarcasm. ]

Something cool.

[in_theworks]

Oh, hoooooooly shit! You're maybe actually Anakin fucking Skywalker!

[ ... ]

Anakin Skywalker traded dick jokes with me! Best day ever!

[can you feel his glee through the Force, Anakin? can you?]

[chosenfordarkness]

..Uh. Glad to be of service?

[ He can. He can and he hates that he can. ]

[in_theworks]

Ohhh, my God! [where's Marcus when you need him??] This is better than, like, meeting Devon von Devon! [who is the protagonist from the Cyberdriver series, back home. who, obviously, he has not met in real life, seeing as how he's fictional, but Anakin was, too, until about ten minutes ago but if he's real then -- ]

Okay. Okay.

[hold on, he's going to take a minute to try and find his chill, so he doesn't end up hyperventilating]

Whew!

Uh, anyway, Mister Skywalker, sir ...

[chosenfordarkness]

I have no idea who that is.

[ He waits for Wrench to have his moment and the steadying breaths he takes afterward. Even though it can't be seen, he raises an eyebrow, absolutely bewildered. ]

You good, now? ..Anakin. Please.

[ Mister Skywalker sounds way too formal and it makes him squirm. ]

[in_theworks]

Another one of my heroes. [a beat] Don't worry about it.

But yeah, I think I'm good.

[at least for a few minutes, until it occurs to him that Anakin also becomes Darth fucking Vader]

[chosenfordarkness]

I really hope you're not including me in that, because honestly, that's a poor decision.

[ And he doesn't even know the half of it. ]

[in_theworks]

Sorry, man. You're absolutely on the list.

... oh, my God. [the mania's flowing back in] Do you have your lightsaber here? Can I see it?

[chosenfordarkness]

Yeah, no pressure or anything.

[ Oh my god, don't look up to him, then he's going to have to try and start being a role model or something. That's a lot! ]

I've got it with me. [ Because Obi-Wan would kill him if he'd lost yet another saber. ]

[in_theworks]

[just be you, dude -- and maybe don't go dark side, okay?]

Oh, my God. Please.

[can he see it? huh? huh?]