eastbound | audio | un: xianxian of yunmeng jiang

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audio | un: xianxian of yunmeng jiang

Bear!? Bear! There was a bear in the bath!

( So comes this startled and startling shout, as elsewhere in camp, Wei Wuxian is (unfortunately) streaking past in damp, confused glory, a bear of arctic composure lumbering after him, soap bar still in mouth. Come back! He was just handing the soap over, he wanted to help! )

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No! It was not!

Well, one of you has to apologize. It's rude to sneak up on someone, especially in the bath.

...it's also rude to run around naked and screaming, but I'm gonna let that one slide.

You get the bear to apologise! That was our tent!

( he's been bolting to try and find something a. to wear but b. to wear when BEAR STOPS COMING AFTER HIM, WHICH IS NOT YET )

Hey now, I'm not about to provide crisis mediation for free. That's already my job at home and, let's be honest, all of our jobs here, and I'm not going to sit down with you and a bear to solve your problems without an incentive.

[Then, mischievously:]

If there even is a bear.

It's a bear! Why would it negotiate?!

I dunno, why would it be in the bath? It wanted to get clean, right? I'm not an expert on bear sapience.

What makes you think I know?! I avoided bears!

[Oh, her grin is AUDIBLE.]

Not well enough, I guess.

Did you point the bear to the tent, because I had no open invitation!

Hey now, don't go tossing around accusations. I didn't even know about Mr. Charmin Mascot having a soak until you started running around naked and screaming.

[If she'd known...would she have? Odds are even, tbh.]

Which is why the bear needs to be handled, so no one else has surprise! There's a bear moments?!

I'm a superhero, not a zookeeper.

...I could probably handle a bear, but human vs. bear pretty much always ends up in a solid victory for the bear. [She's seen that old, bad movie Grizzly. Or at least the Rifftrax of it.] You know, solid, evisceration-flavored victory.

[Rachel, have you considered that is why he was running?!]

I have no idea what a superhero is, but that's why I'm not! Fighting! The possessed bear!

It means I fight for truth, justice, and the American Way, or something. Mostly it just means I help people in trouble.

Oh, so it's possessed now? [Her tone's turned a little...wary, but she's clearly still trying to joke. Shame she doesn't still have that dagger.]

Any of Anurr's creatures are at least partway.

...I mean, it doesn't seem to be malicious. So far, it's just taken a bath with you. Did it act like it was going to attack?

I have no idea where swiping at someone and chasing after them to everyone here apparently reads as let me whisper poetry into your ear, uninvited.

I mean, that sounds like pretty normal bear behavior. Not really possessed bear behavior.

Do bears normally chase people who have no food. Enter areas with no food. Go after a lack of food. Holding soap in their mouth!

What do I look like, a bearologist? I do know grizzlies get pretty scavenge-y. Maybe he thought the soap was a snack?

( More of a pause due to movement and eventually: )

Ash?

( ... That's what the soap is made of. )

Maybe the bear is stupid.

( this conversation is what is ridiculous, but also--hrs got no time to keep arguing over someone trying to joke around. he's got a bear to outrun?! he's sticking to that!! )