video; un: hide-and-seek

[makemeasong]

[ Clara's sitting as privately as it's going to get in the Mouse House, still a little breathless. Not from exertion, but from realizing she might've heard something she shouldn't. She can't know for sure, but her gut tells her it's important. Her first instinct is to find the Doctor and tell him, but she'd done the first thing he'd asked her not to and wandered off. As always.

In need of semi-fresh air, she'd waited until he was busy talking to someone else before quickly excusing herself, walking away before the Doctor could protest. She'd walked a few blocks toward the ports when she'd overheard a small group talking about a person named Cain. The way the apparent co-workers tensed and glared at her when spotted, made her feel as if the complaining hadn't been meant to be heard by anyone, not just her. Back inside, she's decided to share what she overheard when she doesn't spot the Doctor right away. Whipping out her new device she takes a minute or two to understand how it works before her face pops up on the screen. ]

Hullo, I'm Clara. Met some of you during the [ Her free hand waves around vaguely. ] events. I'm not sure what is and isn't important here, but a talking fox told me I needed to make tea to get out of a murder house, so who am I to decide what everyone should or shouldn't know?

[ Either someone tells her not to worry about it, or she's given out something everyone needs to know. She should really wait for the Doctor, but there's no going back now that she's announced it. ]

Went outside and overheard two people talking about someone named Cain do..brick? [ She can't quite remember how it was pronounced, but hopefully, she's close enough. ] They've done something to make an employer angry enough to hit an employee after getting off the phone with Cain. Something about an offer involving parts and grease for Minaras and Eidris. There was more, but I'm not sure if this means anything or not. The people talking about it got pretty upset when they saw me, so I thought it might be worth mentioning.

[ There's a pause as she decides to wrap things up. ]

In case none of this matters, quick question. If you've met the Doctor, what was your first impression, please? [ There's a quick, cheeky and teasing smile that suggests knowing him before the video ends. ]

Comments

[makemeasong]

[ How do you tell someone living that life that you hate it for them? It's the wrong thing to say, she has enough awareness to realize that, but Clara still wants something better for her. ]

Thank you. She was a really good person, a really good mum.

[ The word from a while ago, again, floats back through Clara's mind at the mention of doing someone's bidding. That's never not sounded ominous, and so she asks, but hopes she doesn't shut River down completely with the question. ]

Earlier you said you sometimes wanted to kill the Doctor, and that's understandable, but you said again. What did you mean?

[ Clara doesn't look or feel any sort of way at this point, using context clues in their conversation. Whatever happened, she trusts it was complicated. ]

[spoilers]

[ She should have expected the question. From one of his companions, especially one as clever and protective as Clara. Still, she closes her eyes against the answer, that she jokes about it to keep the truth from swallowing her, from swallowing them both. ]

It's the reason I was born, sweetie. To kill the Doctor. His perfect counter, his bespoke psychopath.

I succeeded the day I met him.

[ But obviously, the Doctor isn't dead. The story hadn't ended there. ]

They took me from my parents, filled me with rage and hate, but they forgot something. He already knew everything about me, and he actually cared. Even dying, he was begging me to help Amy and Rory.

I gave up my remaining regenerations to save him.

[ She isn't quite finished yet, though, and she's pointedly avoiding looking at Clara. ]

The second time, I didn't have a choice and neither did he.

As far as the rest of the universe was concerned, the Doctor died that day, and I went to prison for it.

[makemeasong]

[ Clara isn't really sure what she feels in her chest when it tightens. She wants to comfort River, but what is there to say? Certainly not I'm sorry; she is but what for what? She can't say she understands, other than giving up the rest of her life for The Doctor. Clara was willing to do that, and River did, too. They're both here though, and so is he.

When she still hasn't figured out what to say after a few seconds, Clara sets the plate down in front of them and looks at River. ]

Look at you, though.

[ What she's going to say next, she has no clue. But River's just shared something that Clara can recognize as painful, maybe a mix of other things, too. ]

Born and raised to kill a man who lives on, and now sitting here eating cake with someone you've only really just met. Bet they didn't count on the good in you heart never really going away.

[spoilers]

That was luck. [ The protest is automatic, mixed with a half-laugh that does nothing to cover the depth of emotions, none of them easy to name. ] Even if he'd tell you differently, if he'd tell you at all.

[ He'd go on about how clever he'd been, cheating the system. She thinks sometimes he forgets that, while he might have saved them both the devastation of his death, saved the universe even, he'd also asked her to spend a lifetime (several, in fact) in prison for him without even blinking. He'd seen her there already, and so, that's where she belonged. ]

You're right about that, though. She considered me a failed experiment.

[makemeasong]

He won't tell me and it's fine. I don't need him to tell me anything about you now. You know you have a voice in the story too?

[ She wants to reach out and wrap River in a hug but she isn't sure how welcome it would be. Her instinct is to take care of anyone who needs it, but she doesn't even know what River needs. Clara just knows she needs something. ]

Is this what failure looks like? Because I gotta admit, you make it look good.

[ Maybe she can coax out a genuine smile again, even if it's a small one. ]

[spoilers]

[ She does get that much, at least. Faint, but it is a smile, and River glances in her direction again. ]

I make it look fabulous.

[ They've been sat here talking a while now, and still it's strange to her, the idea that she has a right to her own story, that it's her story to tell. That's never how it's worked. It's always been her story to keep. Even the Doctor doesn't know all of it. On her darkest days, days she blamed him for how her life turned out, she'd considered telling him. But what good would it have done? It would only make him feel worse, and that's not something she's ever wanted.

And she's never really pressed the Doctor to talk about her. It's his choice. And she's always understood better than most how much it hurts him, how deeply he cares. So she lets him set the rules, follows his lead. ]

It's never been just my story. [ She and the Doctor have always been far too entangled. ] Thank you, Clara. For trusting me.

[ For giving me a voice. But for now, it's the closest she can come. She's little better at these things than the Doctor. Maybe worse in some ways. But Clara also hasn't gone on the defensive with the knowledge she'd been raised as the Doctor's personal assassin. ]

[makemeasong]

[ There's a blink of surprise from her, confused at the thanks. ]

I think it should be the other way 'round, River.

[ It's very clear that it wasn't River's choice to become what she was. Is? Taken away from her parents, programmed to kill one person her entire life. There isn't another way to take it in Clara's mind. She's protective of the Doctor, and maybe it would be different if she didn't know River a little already, if she hadn't been the one to help her understand what jumping into the Doctor's time stream would do. ]

Thank you for deciding to trust me. It's all safe, I promise.

[ She doesn't mind keeping this for her. ]

[spoilers]

[ Nodding, she reaches out to cover Clara's hand with her own, squeezing lightly. ]

The Doctor always has the very best of friends.

[ Her secrets will be safe. She isn't worried about that. ]

But if we're going to be here much longer, maybe I should have a talk with my husband, hm?

[ It isn't fair to expect Clara to fall into the game they've both been playing for so long, keeping both their secrets. ]

[makemeasong]

[ Clara gives River a soft smile, holding onto her hand and giving it a squeeze. ]

I think that might be for the best. I'd say I could have wine ready for after, but uh...[ Look where they are! Clara trails off and with one more squeeze to River's hand, lets go. ]

If you wanna meet at one of the seedier places to have a drink, don't think I'd find it in me to say no.