eastbound | video; un: hide-and-seek

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video; un: hide-and-seek

[ Clara's sitting as privately as it's going to get in the Mouse House, still a little breathless. Not from exertion, but from realizing she might've heard something she shouldn't. She can't know for sure, but her gut tells her it's important. Her first instinct is to find the Doctor and tell him, but she'd done the first thing he'd asked her not to and wandered off. As always.

In need of semi-fresh air, she'd waited until he was busy talking to someone else before quickly excusing herself, walking away before the Doctor could protest. She'd walked a few blocks toward the ports when she'd overheard a small group talking about a person named Cain. The way the apparent co-workers tensed and glared at her when spotted, made her feel as if the complaining hadn't been meant to be heard by anyone, not just her. Back inside, she's decided to share what she overheard when she doesn't spot the Doctor right away. Whipping out her new device she takes a minute or two to understand how it works before her face pops up on the screen. ]

Hullo, I'm Clara. Met some of you during the [ Her free hand waves around vaguely. ] events. I'm not sure what is and isn't important here, but a talking fox told me I needed to make tea to get out of a murder house, so who am I to decide what everyone should or shouldn't know?

[ Either someone tells her not to worry about it, or she's given out something everyone needs to know. She should really wait for the Doctor, but there's no going back now that she's announced it. ]

Went outside and overheard two people talking about someone named Cain do..brick? [ She can't quite remember how it was pronounced, but hopefully, she's close enough. ] They've done something to make an employer angry enough to hit an employee after getting off the phone with Cain. Something about an offer involving parts and grease for Minaras and Eidris. There was more, but I'm not sure if this means anything or not. The people talking about it got pretty upset when they saw me, so I thought it might be worth mentioning.

[ There's a pause as she decides to wrap things up. ]

In case none of this matters, quick question. If you've met the Doctor, what was your first impression, please? [ There's a quick, cheeky and teasing smile that suggests knowing him before the video ends. ]

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Oh. Well. Maybe. ( What are emotions and connections and stuff? She's grateful that he knows what she is and has kept that secret though like she hasn't talked about everything he told her too. So they're friends, and she's new to that too. Friendship. But this woman seems very kind. She wonders if she's seen his blue box, if she's been inside of it and traveled through time and planets. )

Yeah. There were a lot of ways to get the passports. We both went to this party where this superstitious guy hired necromancers to entertain his guests. The party was to celebrate this guy killing his rival. ...this world's fuckin weird.

You just arrived during that whole freaky Unwinding thing?

[ There's a touch of a smile to Clara's lips before it fades. Murder celebrations aren't exactly the Doctor's first or last choice of entertainment, and she wonders what he's done to cope if words haven't worked. ]

Are there consecutive days without murder or is that pretty much normal? Because I could do without being grabbed by walls with hands.

[ That partially answers the question about her arrival, at least. ] First there was the beach we landed on, then I had to talk my way onto a train. Luckily, I can be charming and adorable. [ She smiles cheekily, making sure the dimples show. She has those big brown eyes that also work in her favor. People think she's tiny; it's a 3-punch combo that's gotten her into and out of more things than she can say. ]

Pretty sure in the Mouse House, murder's pretty normal. It's different up in the actual city. ( Red makes a sympathetic face though at the mention of the walls with hands. Yeah. Not good. Then she snorts genuine amused laughter )

You definitely have the vibe of someone who is both oodles of charming and adorable. I can see that. Welcome to this Freaky-Ass World. Sorry you rolled into town right in the middle of the Unwinding. Worst welcoming party ever.

( Way worse than her own. They just got plopped down into the Mouse House with a group mission to follow ) How do you know the Doctor?

Have to say, so far? Unimpressed. Meeting people though, that part's been pretty decent. Definitely could've done without the kidnapping and struggle up the beach in a 19th-century gown.

[ It'd been fine, actually until then. Once she'd started falling down that hole, she would've gotten back on that train in a whisky barrel, screw charm. The part about the Mouse House doesn't go without a small frown on her end as she files that away for the moment; at the question, Clara tilts her head with a fond smile. ]

Saved my life. Then I sort of stayed with him. I'm notoriously hard to get rid of.

There's a lot of good people in the group, but jury's out on the rest of the city where there's mannequins in hiding and shit. The kids in the Mouse House are pretty cool ( Red does smile though when she explains further how they met. )

That sounds like him. Hey, you're also notoriously adorable and charming. No one should want to get rid of you!

(private)

Have you been in his TARDIS? Travel around the stars and time and planets and stuff?

[ Clara's first private message, this is exciting! Her smile is bright, but there's a tinge of sadness in the way the corners of her lips don't quite lift all the way. There's happiness in her eyes, but the corners don't move with her smile. ]

I have been, would live there if I could. He's taken me so many different places I've had to start keeping a journal back home.

[ Will he take her home when she leaves here? He's regenerated and pushed her away, so she wonders if that's it, he's through with her and home she goes, never to see him again. The thought twists in her stomach, always there even when it isn't actively on her mind. ]

I know if the TARDIS were here, he'd show you the stars and get you wherever you want to be.

( Red can see that tinge of sadness as small as it may be- she's fairly perceptive (probably the dog-Cerberus-ancientness in her), and she's also a bit of a wrecking ball where she doesn't ignore what she notices either: )

You okay?

( Her own smile is soft and briefly- something else. Not quite sad. But she's cynical in general. )

He told me that. Said he would find his TARDIS and take all of us away. ( Keep her safe from Hades ) Seems like he takes a lot of responsibility on himself.

[ Until the question, Clara didn't realize how badly she actually would like to talk everything out with someone. What she knows sits like an anvil, weighing her down, and the person she would normally talk to can't know any of it. ]

He does do that. He's put the entire universe on his shoulders without complaint, without asking for anything else. [ At least now; she vaguely knows what happened in his 10th incarnation, but not all the details. Just enough after meeting him briefly. ]. The thing is— [ She pauses, glancing away before looking back at the screen. If the message hadn't been set to private, she doesn't think she'd say anything, at least not this way. ]

I'm from so far in his future he doesn't really know me yet, we've only been together a few days. But from my point of view, we've gone through so much together. It really sucks to know more than him. I'm not having a great time with it, honestly.

[ Clara is under the impression she's talking to an older teenager, and she doesn't want to say too much she might accidentally share with him without meaning to. ]

( It does absolutely sound like something he would do. Red knows he is a Time Lord, but that doesn't mean he's responsible for all of it. It certainly doesn't mean he's responsible for her, for saving her, for protecting her. Technically, she's older than him.

She can tell how much Clara needed to share this with someone else, can't imagine how difficult this kind of thing would be. It's not like she had friends until she ended up here. )

...well, fuck.

That would be really hard especially if you go through some really hard things together. I don't know if I'd be able to keep all that inside, and if it'd help to talk it out, we can. I can meet you somewhere. ( a pause. ) Does he know you're from... his future?

[ The genuine kindness and offer make Clara smile softly, warmth making its way to her eyes. ]

He knows. I have to be careful what I say in front of him, but I don't want anyone else to have to worry about that, especially a kid. [ She teaches in a school with kids all the way up to eighteen, so she goes off of what she sees. ]

I'd still like to talk though since we're all here together. Why not meet in person?

Oh. I'm- ( Exhale of air ) older than I look. ( Red makes a face. As much as she tries not to tell the group what she is, it's- She's not really good at secrets, and she's not really a kid either. )

Yeah, sounds good.

Where are you at? ( Since they're meeting in person, feel free to fill out this for Clara's soul/aura. )

Please make sure to share your skincare routine. [ Clara smiles and this time her dimples do show. Red doesn't have to explain, and if she wants to, she will. ] I'm used to it with the Doctor.

[ Clara looks around her surroundings and squints. ]

I'm outside, near the east alleyway. About as far away from those guys I overheard as I could get.

( Red heads in that direction, and she steps out, catching sight of Clara from a distance. It's different in person. Red knows that's always the case, but that doesn't mean she anticipates- How the fuck could she anticipate what she sees?

There's a coziness like the doctor - a cozy warm sweater instead of a blanket, but cozy warmth like freshly melted snow, like winter to spring. Beyond that, there's a deep, heavy sadness too like that sweater is too tight, too constricting. All of that though is normal. It makes sense.

It's the rest Red can't figure out - echoes upon echoes of one person, death upon death, but she's living, breathing. And Red can usually adjust pretty quickly to auras and souls and whatever- whatever happens.

But this? She swallows and steps forward. Her body is tense. )

...hey. ( #nailed-it )

[ When Clara hears her voice she looks up with a smile that fades a little as she takes in Red, head tilting a little to the side. Her device goes into her pocket, giving her full attention. ]

Hey. ...Everything okay? You look like I catfished you with a hotter version of myself. I promise, it's the lighting here, it's rubbish.

[ Clara isn't really sure what it is, so she tries to joke. ]

( Red decreases the distance between them. Clara is really both charming and adorable, which makes what she's seen all the worse. It's overwhelming. )

No, I- ( She waits until she's right up near her. Usually she can school her reactions better so this isn't even a Thing. ) I can see people's like souls.

( She winces. ) I should have warned probably. I just- you're- ( Her eyes close and she releases a breath, shaking her head. Her voice is soft. ) You've died. A lot.

[ Clara doesn't move, but does slowly raise both eyebrows until Red explains. Then, her face falls and her eyes widen, tongue wetting her lips. She looks around for a second because God does the Doctor have a knack for popping up places, but she doesn't see him. Her voice is quiet too when she tries to explain, her expression softening. ]

It's alright, but this is definitely one of the things the Doctor doesn't know. I'm sorry, I know it's a big one, I didn't know it would come up like this. But you can't tell him; if you do, he'll try to stop it and he can't.

[ Clara really does look apologetic. ]

Hell of a first face-to-face introduction.

( Red breathes in something sharp, because she's not human- she doesn't know how all of this. Works? Should she tell her friend? Should she hold this truth because Clara's told her to? She doesn't fucking know. She presses her back against the wall, sinks down to a sitting position beside Clara. It's the fucking worst, and she has no idea how to navigate any of this. )

...why can't he?

( She has existed so long in death itself, in the Underworld. Things can't change there, but they exist now in another reality: life and time and planets.

She wants to know. )

[ Talking it out with someone sometimes isn't as easy as it sounds. Clara wants to, and she thinks she might need to, so she explains quietly. To get to the worst of it, she supposes they have to start here. And then it's all downhill. They're sitting close enough on the ground that she doesn't need to project much to be heard. ]

Two reasons. The first is that if he changes something that impacts the future, then it could rip a hole in the universe. I personally don't want either of us to be responsible for that. And the second— [ She trails off and swallows before finishinig. ]

If he stops me, he'll be dead. [ And sooner than he should be, which is a thought that makes her blanch a little, closing her eyes. ] If you give me a minute, I might be able to come up with an uncomplicated way to explain why it seems like I keep dying.

[ Clara thinks with her eyes closed, opening them after just a few seconds. She has no idea if she's got it, but she'll try. ]

The Doctor has a place where all of his life from beginning to end is stored. Someone tried to insert themselves into it, someone fucking awful called the Great Intelligence. He jumped into the Doctor's life and every time he got himself out of danger, that Intelligence dick killed him instead. [ She pauses to glance at Red. ] But if another person were to jump in behind him, scattering themselves like leaves in wind through the Doctor's life to save him...

[ Clara trails off, picking at her fingernails, letting that settle so Red can ask any questions. Or leave; there's always that option and Clara can't say she'd blame her. It's A Lot. ]

( Red grows entirely quiet as she listens.

She hears - he'll be dead. She hasn't ever cared for very many people, but he's one of the few, and how can she do anything that would lead to him dying? How can she do anything that leads to her dying when the Doctor clearly loves her so? How. Her eyes burn.

She presses her face to her knees. She listens.

What else can she do? )

...you're-

( She swallows. She reaches out - her hand clasps over Clara's as she picks at her fingernails. )

You jumped in behind him?

I jumped in.

[ Clara'd held the Doctor's hand as he was dying and couldn't fathom it, the universe without him. ]

The stars were going out, Red. Planets he'd saved, galaxies. The sky was going dark, people he'd given another chance at life stopped existing. [ The universe needed the Doctor in it more than it needed Clara Oswald. ] I don't remember much of it except that I could see him. All of him, all of his lives, all his faces. It was like being everywhere at once over thousands of years. [ Red's hand is comforting, and Clara finds herself squeezing it. ]

Don't worry though. The Doctor might be the best person I know, but he's also the biggest bloody idiot. Once he was well enough, and knowing it could collapse his own life in on itself, he jumped in and pulled me back out. Still shattered but also, here I am. Alive and kicking.

[ She smiles thinly at what should be a happy ending, but it doesn't reach her eyes. ]

God forbid anyone ever do anything for him. He can't stand it.

( Red watches her face as she explains even if she cannot possibly fathom all of it - faces and lives? He's had different faces and lives? But of course, he's saved galaxies. He is a hero. He wants to help, and Clara- Clara helped him, saved him, saved all those galaxies. She really can't imagine stakes so high. The Underworld was all about keeping the piece, obeying, guarding the River, scaring teenage souls into their own compliance. She swallows through some thick emotion lodged in the center of her throat. It's impossible to put to words what she's feeling. Her hand remains latched on to hers when she senses it brings any comfort at all. )

That sounds like him - both the jumping in and pulling you out and not standing anyone doing anything for him. ( She smiles, but it's pained, because she can tell there's- It's not a happy ending to this story. ) But you were really brave to do that, to risk yourself like that. You're hero.

( That's what her aura shows too - a cozy warm sweater. Someone who wants to do good even against frankly terrifyingly huge odds. )

Did something else happen? Just sounded like it was all wrapped up neatly in a bow, you saved each other, but- ( There's still this weight of sadness. )

[ Did something else happen? The question lands not like a punch to the gut, but like acid to her heart. Swallowing, Clara has to close her eyes for a second and thumb away an errant tear that falls. Clearing her throat, she tries to at least offer something reassuring. ]

Not for a long time. Not for a really, really long time; he lived to be quite old, actually. [ She does manage a smile, a laugh that comes out to chase away the threat of more quiet tears. So what if he'd spent all that time away from her, tricking her to keep her away, or safe as he called it? He was taking care of people. That's what he does. ]

He spent all that time protecting one little planet. Except he'd never call it that. Nothing and no one are ever little to him. [ She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, trying to keep her voice steady. ] He didn't want me there, he was worried about me seeing him like that, I think. I told you, he's an idiot. But I made my way to him anyway, and it turns out he was right. Just don't ever admit that to him, because you'll never hear the end of it.

[ Here's where it gets selfishly complicated, making Clara wonder if Red can see that too. Can Red see the stain of greed over someone who can't even be hers? Better to tell on herself than omit something easily seen anyway. ]

Those people needed someone to help them, the planet was being invaded. The Doctor could do it normally, but he was old by then. Dying a natural death and determined to go out fighting. I couldn't let him. [ Without being sure how much Red knows about the Doctor, she has to risk under-explaining. ] I found a way to ask other Time Lords to give him more time, more life. I was asking on behalf of the inhabitants who had everything to lose, to protect that planet. But I was begging for the Doctor's life for me.

[ She bites at her bottom lip, pulling her hand away to rub her face before pushing both hands through her hair. The fine details don't matter, it's already a lot, and this is the simplest way she knows to explain without overwhelming Red even more. Clara assumes she'll be answering questions, which is fine. Better than trying to come up with everything at once. ]

They listened, and they did it, they made him young again. [ There's the briefest of smiles. She'd thought he was going to be alright, she really did. The feeling of triumph had been falsely sweet. ]

It was just enough to save the planet. This face, the one you and I know, he's...gone. The Doctor can do something called regeneration when he's hurt and dying. New body, new face. Entirely new personality. He can only do it 12 times; he'd used them all up by the time I met him, was on his last. I managed to get him another full set but he isn't him anymore.

[ Clara feels physically exhausted after getting it all out. It's the first time she's said it aloud, any of it. She's replayed it in her head, over and over again, but she hadn't even told Jenny and Vastra everything before waking up in this place. ]

When I woke up here and saw him, I completely fucking broke down. He knows he regenerated based on that alone. He doesn't know why, or how, or anything else that's happened because to him, we've barely finished saying hello.

[ Her head gently hits the wall behind her and Clara lets her eyes close, waiting for all of that to land however it will. She isn't sure if she should expect another reassuring touch or something else this time, but what she could really use is a hug. ]

( Red stares at her own hands twisting her fingers together in her lap, because she thinks maybe it helps if she's not looking directly at Clara while she says all of this. It's obviously difficult to put to words. It's obviously something she's had bottled up inside of her, and she- she needs to be able to release it. Holding on to all of this, it has to be so heavy, and she hopes it helps to talk about it.

She's- Somehow she didn't even think he could die- regenerate. A thousand years is a long time, but he's had many faces and lives so how long has this one been around for?And he's- he'll die, the nature of life and death, and some part of her wants to rail and scream against it. That's part of mortality, isn't it? Understanding people die, and usually, it means no one ever sees them again. He seems larger than life sometimes, seems to believe he can save them all and given all the planets he's saved, maybe he can. And he dies, regenerates, and Clara was there to be certain he could regenerate again and could come back. Grief is a strange feeling she's never experienced before, and the Doctor is technically still here, still alive, but what happens if this place takes him away? She hasn't even considered that part about caring, about connecting, about- There were only ever spirits and gods and creatures like her before.

There's no judgement on her face when Clara talks about being begging for the Doctor's life for herself. She wanted to hold on to someone she loves. That's incredibly human from all she's seen of humans, from whatever human parts are inside of Red too- somewhere, twisted up as it may be. Red's seen souls bathed in blood without an ounce of guilt on them when they step into Underworld to serve out their eternity of punishment, granted to them by Hades. There's nothing at all wrong with Clara wanting to have him for longer.

Mortals have broken into the Underworld before in hopes- in hopes of finding those they've lost.

And how heartbreaking it must have been to lose the Doctor immediately after (lose him, she still can't actually process that), but of course, it was to fucking- Of course he fucking died saving a plant, saving all those people. Tears prick at her eyes, but it's so much to process that she can't. Not yet. Her emotions are too big, and she cannot sort through them, but maybe that's for the best. Clara's the one who lived it all, who has to keep this secret from someone she clearly loves so much.

How does anyone do that? How will Red keep this inside whenever she sees him?

It isn't time to think about that. Red has only ever been hugged two times before - both happened in the Unwinding. She's so new to having connections to anyone despite being as ancient as she is, but she recognizes Clara's distress and her pain like Hermione did for her, and she offers: )

...do you want a hug? ( Her voice is rough but genuine. )

[ Red's silent wondering about how to keep it in, that's a good fucking question, because every time The Doctor smiles at Clara, she wants to reach out and grab him, press her face into his neck and breathe him in. But that'd only confuse him now. Both she and Red will have to figure it out somehow.

The offer of a hug sends Clara over an invisible edge, her lips pressing into a thin line. If she accepts aloud, if she opens her mouth, she's afraid her grief will pour out of her. Instead, she nods and shifts so that she can wrap her arms around Red, the young woman who's much older than she looks. She must be close to the Doctor, and a twinge of guilt nags at Clara's stomach. Maybe she should've insisted she couldn't say, or given a more abridged version.

Clara hugs her for a long time, trying to give comfort as much as it's being offered to her. It helps compose her enough to finally pull back and speak, her eyes just a little red from the effort not to cry. ]

I'm sorry. I know it's a lot. Too much. But if he knows about the first time I saved him, he'll try and stop me as soon he leaves this place. If he does, he won't even make it here to meet and know you. For all we know, this planet's in a galaxy that he saved, somewhere in the universe. The whole thing could blink out of existence because the Doctor died before he could save it.

[ She isn't sure if that's true, but they have to be in the universe somewhere, don't they? There isn't any other place, just a vast amount of infinity for an infinite amount of worlds. ]

( Red wraps her arms around her tightly as soon as Clara shifts into the hug, making sure to hold back some of that ancient strength despite the desire to hold on as tight as she can. Like that might help. It's only briefly that she worries about her own arms being too stiff or not right or. or something dangerous. But then she gives comfort, accepts it too.

Her eyes close against her. She only lets go when Clara pulls back, and then she lifts her gaze toward her, shaking her head in answer to the apology, pulling in all of that ancientness she has deep down to find some steadiness inside of herself. It's just so different now that she really cares, that she has people to care about, that she understands what it means to have friends and to care so much about the Doctor and care about this young woman who she only just met today. )

It's okay. You don't have anything to be sorry about.

( She releases a breath, fully (kind of) understanding now the implications of telling him any of it. It's not for her to tell anyway. It's- She thinks people that go home by the Beacon don't- they don't remember this place at all, but he's expecting to go back in the TARDIS and maybe that will happen, and then what? If he knows any of it, it's- it's not a chance that can be taken. )

You shouldn't have had to keep all of that, hold on to it. It's a lot for one person to carry. ( There's a pause, and she scrubs at her face a bit, settling her hands on her knees before she lifts her gaze to Clara, wanting to say at least one thing about all of that. ) It's okay too - that you- you asked because it's what you wanted too, y'know? For him to come back for you too and not only that planet.

But it's really fucking shitty that's how everything happened: that you lost him again, that you had to go through that. None of that was okay at all.

video; un: hide-and-seek

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action.

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sobbing quietly at that entire tag ;o;

/slams clara into a game and immediately chooses violence

you really did tho - i love it!!

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