eastbound | video | un: dollhouse

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video | un: dollhouse

Hello, gang! ...Gang? No, not the right word. Team? Better. Do we have a name? Those of us displaced and trapped here. Well, there we are.

[ As if the semantics are really important. Moving on. ]

I'm the Doctor, if we haven't spoken yet. And if we haven't - first of all, why haven't we? Second of all, I'm very glad we are now.

[ He's moving around a lot as he talks, walking in slow circles, just restless. ]

Hearing what everyone's uncovered recently has been helpful and I believe I can add something of value to the mix.

In conversation with our caretaker in the Mouse House, Ma'am Mariol, I learned more about the plague that swept through. When the sickness struck, it fractured Serthica. Those up here believed it came from down below, the Mouse House; the first to touch anything imported, anything crossing the sea, they assumed. Prior to that, it was easier for those down below to come and go up here. Much more difficult now, nearly impossible, and so the people down there, the children, they suffer.

[ He has to note that for a moment because he will remain displeased until he can fix their situation. ]

The children we've met in the Mouse House were orphaned as a result of the sickness. All of them. To anyone's knowledge, not a single person who was infected survived. They referred to it as the coal sick; called that because an infected person's hands, toes, face would go dark, like coal dust and rot. Rot - familiar word, that one, eh?

What else - right - it infected quickly. Someone could be healthy one day and then nearly dead the next. Coughing up blood, teeth chattering, wandering back and forth to keep warm.

I hoped to ascertain how the splitting of Serthica was decided, how people were sorted, if some were exiled down below who'd previously lived in the citadels, simply for fear of spreading illness. There's at least one woman that I know of in the Mouse House, who used to live in the citadels. She receives letters from her daughter, who lives up here. Evidently, this woman ended up in the Mouse House around the time the sickness swept through, yet her daughter remains here.

Don't worry, that won't be the end of what I learn. I'm still working it out. [ He gets a bit more restless, impatient almost, pacing more urgently. ] Brain isn't working fast enough. Thinking and thinking and more thinking. I have to be careful how often I go down there, so I'm told - not that I've ever listened to that sort of thing - but if there are other questions I've missed, tell me. Maybe I'm standing too close to see everything.

Many heads are better than one, so the saying goes. Unless it's a multi-headed predator of some sort. Not the best odds, in that case, if you're the prey, though very good if you're the predator. All creatures have a right to it, though, of course, so can't judge that one. Survival of the fittest. You'd be surprised, though! A very good friend of mine, his name was Bertram; a beautiful, tiny Snorclax with a rainbow shell. He told me once he faced down a three-headed serpent wielding nothing but a pencil. [ This has nothing to do with anything at all, but that hardly matters. He just likes to tell stories and he has a captive audience. Unfortunately for the audience. ]

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I am no poet. I am more practiced at taking rather than giving, I suppose. My nature is selfish, in this.

[ And other ways. ]

What of you?

( her expression tells a story as he babbles, though the majority of it remains in one thing: that fear that he'd mentioned. she might havs been open with her starfleet boys, though the situation had forced her hand, but she's vehemently tried to hide it from five. so to be so wildly called out here? she is a little afraid.

he is right though and una knows it: he's not human, the secret is safe with him, and starfleet isn't here to arrest her either, though those things do little to remove her fear, the response that's been conditioned in her since she left home.

there's some stunned silence when he does stop talking, some mild lack of understanding at some of the creatures that he's mentioned but also a pause for una to find some words )

I'm an Illyrian. ( her words are as quiet as you'd expect and since he hasn't heard of her home she's going to assume that he hasn't heard of her people ) My people... we have an alternate view on life. Rather than terraforming a planet we modify ourselves to be able to live on it, adapting and coexisting with a place. The people I work for... they have a ban on genetic modification, no matter the modification. I hide it because I can't let them find out.

( she's watching him intently for his response, reaction. the starfleet boys had accepted and defended her but she's always afraid of the other response, of la'an's instinctive response. of the monster he mentioned before )

Dabbled a few times. A very long time ago. When I was still very young, only a hundred or so. Maybe I'll come up with something new here.

[ Being trapped somewhat clears the mind for other things. As if there isn't plenty going on around them. Yet, he would still find a way to be bored in idle time. ]

I was partially right! Genetic mutations, then, of a sort. Shame about the bat wings, how cool would those have been!

[ Beyond his wild ramblings, he had a few genuine theories, but this is certainly rather unique and unexpected.

His expression is one of gentle curiosity, if not a little...caution. He has a long history of species meddling with genetic modification. For a moment, he can't help himself, thinking of the Kaleds of Skaro, of Davros genetically modifying his people to survive the biosphere there. That was very different, though. Davros sought to eliminate weakness and create a master race to spread throughout the universe.

Genetic modification for the purpose of coexisting with a planet is different, but not without its concerns. Perhaps it's why the people she works for have a ban on modification. And yet, equally, their ban may be one simply borne of ignorance.

The Doctor, while cautious, is not immediately judgmental. He's enjoyed his conversations with her thus far and he'd even consider her a friend already. Even with strangers, but especially with a newfound friend, he will seek to understand first, not to condemn. ]

What I said before is still true. You are safe with me. [ That feels important to reiterate, to start. ] These modifications - they're solely in the name of coexisting with the planets you inhabit? You're not trying to build the universe's latest and greatest award-winning cloud bowling team or conquer the universe?

[ One of those is not like the other... ]

We're pacifists.

( she tries not to sound offended, he doesn't know her or her people, though given starfleet's attitude since the eugenics wars and how different her people are to khan noonien singh she can't help but be mildly offended for her people )

Our modifications are based on where our colonies are, where we travel to. We adhere to nature, to not changing it or its natural beauty when we can make ourselves suitable for living in it.

( her strength was there because of her environment, a need for increased stamina, needing to lift something heavy, not so that she can fight. her immune system kept her healthy, fought quickly against all disease )

There isn't anything wrong with what we do.

[ He's not always the best at judging when he's crossed a line and perhaps veered too close to a sensitive topic, this one.

There isn't anything wrong with what we do indicates to him that he'd implied it when that wasn't entirely his intent. Well, sort of. He did want to be sure his own understanding of modifications and the extent and purpose of them in this particular context was correct. He is also, perhaps, not always the best at direct apologies, sort of skirting around them. Does he need to apologize? He doesn't think he did anything wrong. But, her words stick with him and he studies and mentally calculates them in the space of mere milliseconds, coming to the conclusion that maybe a recalibration of his own words is owed to her. ]

You tell me that you're pacifists and that your people strive to adapt to the worlds you inhabit rather than slowly destroy them to suit your purposes, like so many species often do. So I'll tell you in return that such a peaceful coexistence with all life, and respect for it, is rare, unfortunately. You're quite aware of that, obviously, but it's a big universe and I've lived a long life. I'd wish to see more of what your kind do, than the opposite.

[ It's not an I'm sorry but it...kind of is...? ]

The science behind your physiology fascinates me. [ And here he is, already moving on. ] How long have your people existed? How did you first begin the modifications? What sort of modifications do you have?

[ Nothing is sacred... ]

( una could be more disgruntled, could refuse to answer his questions on principle but that wasn't her. she wasn't really annoyed and he hadn't intentionally insulted her people, she could tell that from how he questioned her, the curiosity in him )

I don't often speak about this.

( as a warning. he keeps reassuring her that she's safe with him and una does believe that but it doesn't make anything easier to open up about when previously you were used to being unable to talk about it, when your decisions made you cautious and fear being discovered )

My people have existed for centuries. Many of us look human, though the nature of some of our modifications changes our appearance -- some colonies appear very physically different.

( some were subtle changes in brow ridges or prolonged ears, others were more noticeable in gills or webbed fingers. una's modifications were all internally expressed )

The most noticeable is my immune system. If I become infected with something it burns out, leaving me immune to whatever it was.

[ He's fascinated, really. He wishes he could meet more of her people, he has so many questions now. Really, he could go on and on. He might, for a bit, until it occurs to him perhaps she'd not appreciate a veritable interrogation, albeit one borne of purely gleeful curiosity.

I don't often speak about this should be a clue that he might want to temper himself. Taking bets on if that actually happens, though... ]

And your family, are they all similarly immune to infection, or do they have their own unique modifications? How much is shared genetically?

My parents have always lived at this colony so they have it too.

( how much was genetic versus not is also a great question! if only we knew! )

It's something we all have.

When your people relocate to other colonies, what's the modification process like? What's involved exactly? I imagine after all this time it's quite streamlined.

[ He'd be taking notes right now if he could. ]

It likely is.

( this is the part that she becomes more hesitant in talking about. details of herself were easy to talk about but her people's practices, the secrets they kept carefully to themselves? )

I was young when I left. I left to go to Earth, not another colony, and I've been the only Illyrian I've known since. I don't have much to compare it to.

( and even what she does know isn't much -- she was young, not a doctor or scientists, and when they found the other illyrian colony she'd had to even do research into genetic modifications. her knowledge is limited )

[ He does understand having secrets, at least. He may not always (often) recognize a boundary before he's crossed it, but he understands the need to hold things close. He has no reason or need to demand more of her.

She's shared a lot with him about herself, her people, enough that he feels comfortable sharing more himself. ]

I left home when I was very young myself. [ No need to mention Gallifrey; although he doesn't keep the name of his home and the subsequent destruction of it a secret, he also doesn't talk about it as openly as he did in his previous incarnation. Sometimes, though, especially when he forms a connection with someone, he's more inclined. ]

I didn't think much of Earth when I was young, until I was exiled there for a long time. It's my very favorite now, but don't tell the others.

[ He smirks a little. ] I know what it feels like, being the only one of your kind amongst others. [ Though, they're both the 'only' one of their kind for entirely different reasons, he's aware. ] I don't have to hide it the way you do, though...why is the question, now, come to think of it. Why do they force you to hide it?

[ Quickly side-stepping the part about being the only of his kind. ]

( una recognises that part about being the only one of his kind, also recognising how quickly he side-stepped it and whilst she's curious she knows not to push -- he has a reason if he doesn't want to talk about it, just like he's understood her caution and reasons.

but now is history. she'd mentioned already that she had to hide her species because of a ban on genetic modification but not why or how it came about. that's someone else's history, though a history she knows very well )

On Earth, in the late twentieth century, there was a war... a war between humans and genetically augmented humans. That period, those four years are known now as the Eugenics Wars, with augmented humans seeking to wipe out and dominate humanity. Though they were stopped Earth banned any form of genetic engineering. When the Federation later formed that ban extended there -- no species that was genetically engineered was allowed to be a member, even if our motivations were different.

( una understood that fear in them even if she didn't agree. everyone was tarnished with the same brush because of history. her people never had a history of war or domination like this, they were peaceful, they didn't 'better themselves' but altered themselves to survive planets and atmospheres that would be unlivable, to not change those worlds. but humanity didn't want to risk anything happening again )

No one knows. ( except now four people on her ship, three people here ) I pretend to be human because otherwise I couldn't do the job I love.

[ More wars. So inevitable, it seems, unfortunately. So much destruction and pain, such a common theme throughout the universe. So often, he can't interfere, only observe. He has to be careful with the influence he has on certain events.

Now, though, he better understands why his words landed perhaps a little too close to a sensitive topic for her.

She's describing, as well, a parallel universe, a split from the version of Earth's history that he's most familiar with. But it's not uncommon at all; there are billions of parallel timelines out there, created sometimes by even the smallest decision that changes things so drastically. ]

You were born for it, clearly. When you speak of your travels, I see what it means to you. You belong there and they need someone like you. I understand your caution, you have no other option at the moment, though I do wish more people would stop letting fear of the unknown or misunderstood guide their decisions. It sounds like the simplest thing, but it's one of the hardest, I've found: trying to get people to just talk and listen to understand. If they could hear you explain what you've just told me, they'd have to realize how wrong they are.

They're allowed to be a little afraid, of course, but someone has to break the cycle sometime, otherwise nothing better can ever get started.

( she smiles, even if it's a little sad )

I doubt any of my explanations would change their minds -- those events might be centuries ago but fear runs deep, they assume again that someone would take advantage.

( and even if her people did do something different... would other humans seek to better themselves? or other species? )

I have... friends that found out, not by choice at the time but I trust them to know, to keep my secret. They don't care where I'm from, only what I do.

( it's chris's words that stick especially with her, considering he's the most recent conversation but also with how strongly he defended her )

But then... if I didn't do what I did, if I wasn't an explorer or so peaceful, if I didn't care... what would they think? Why can't we just be?

( it's again the log she'd deleted -- if una hadn't saved the day would chris still trust her as he did, would he still defend her and say that illyrians were misjudged? what if she'd tried but failed, it wouldn't have been her fault but it wouldn't be good either. what then? )

Well, they're being stupid then. [ Being stupid, which is at least a step above flat out calling them idiots. Which he almost does. He says this quickly, simply. An assessment based on emotion more than logic. He knows enough of war and the terrible toll it takes to understand the fear people might feel in the aftermath. But the cycle keeps going, and then what?

His reaction speaks perhaps of black-and-white absolutist thinking, which is sometimes true of him, sometimes not. Like most things with the Doctor, it depends on the context. He thinks highly of Una, so in this case, it's simple to him: others should as well, as they should of her kind. ]

You have good friends, though. We all need that, don't we? My friends have always been the best of me.

We do. I'll be grateful to them and to have them for as long as I'm able.

( because if starfleet found out... what would happen to her, would she be locked away, sent away, buried to never be seen again? )

And here, at least, and whatever lies beyond after this, you have me.

[ He can say that genuinely, easily. He means it. ]

You have a lot of understanding for a stranger.

( una doesn't mean his kindness, though that is certainly nice, but something that feels deeper, as if he has some history in some way with what she's talking about, something in his past that helps him understand her history. he's not human, he's hidden that before but for very different reasons. he likes to tell stories but avoided talking about home. she wouldn't press or ask him for more, and there's sympathy for his own sadness )

Maybe a man who's much older than he seems has seen something that helps him understand. Or has just seen a lot.

A good poet needs only a muse, no? I suspect you have had countless during your travels. The words will come to you, I have little doubt.

You get to be a thousand years old, you've seen a thing or two. I've had a few bad days in there.

[ Bad days. The phrasing isn't meant to minimize the loss and the scope of what truly happened, it's more to minimize his own pain. The destruction of Gallifrey was a very bad day indeed. The worst day. He talked about it often in his previous incarnation; Gallifrey being gone, being the last of the Time Lords. This go around, he hasn't gone in completely the opposite direction. He'll talk about it, he has, but in different ways. He's learned to compartmentalize it all better this time. He has to "forget" or it would destroy him otherwise. He's not unique in carrying pain around, though certainly he has more than his share, he's reasonably sure. Destroying one's home planet isn't a typical scar most people bear.

Even now, while he doesn't feel he needs to hide anything, he's not ready to share all the details. Though, he can share something with her. ]

It's a long story, but there hasn't been any other Time Lords for a long time. For some of us, loss makes us kinder, I like to think.

[ He chooses his phrasing deliberately. She'll be wise enough to read between the lines, he thinks, without him having to offer up much more of an explanation at the moment. He's particular about when he shares this particular story. ]

Edited (phrasing change) 2022-10-11 04:24 (UTC)

( even without all of the details there's an understanding that una can assume, a loss she knows even if it isn't exactly the same. he's the only one of his people that he's seen in a long time like she's the only one of hers, and neither of them can really go home )

We found an Illyrian colony recently, though there were no survivors on it.

( other than spock he's the only one that knows of this mission, the mission that happened just before she arrived here )

There was an unforseen occurrence on the planet, not a disaster but for them it became it. Even in death they tried to go something good, to save someone.

[ To have such an implicit understanding with another is a rare thing, rarer indeed for the Doctor. It's a connection he thinks well of already. To hear now of what she found, well, he can easily imagine the tumult of emotions. She's had a secret to carry about her true identity, she's been separated from home for so long. To be confronted with a colony of her people, completely wiped out, and for her response to need to be carefully controlled, well, it's an incredible burden to bear. ]

A strength of character that's not always common even in the living among us. I'm sorry that happened. To you, to them.

[ If she'll allow it, he reaches out briefly to cover her hand. ]

( she'll allow it, offering in return a small, sad smile )

They just wanted to be accepted.

( and tried to change so much in the hope of that being a possibility. apparently the 'never change for anyone' is ringing strong here. it caused their downfall )

Someone I work with commented that despite Starfleet's beliefs about Illyrians I had a lot of faith in them, and they believed that had to be hard. I think somewhere I stopped thinking about that, I just lived day by day. I do trust them even if they're not always right.

[ He keeps his hand where it is for the moment. A few seconds, he's learned, seem to make such a difference. Touch can bridge the gap where words fail sometimes; something he's learned and taken to heart over his many long years. ]

I do think that's how progress can be made, in fact. The people we meet, they might not always be right and we might not always agree, but if we try, we can build trust and connection. And I never quite stop believing that people can change their minds and do the right thing.

[ He doesn't want her to give up that hope, either. She has people she can trust, and perhaps in time, they can advocate for her and her people.

He lightly pats her hand before pulling his own back slowly. ]

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video | un: dollhouse

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