audio. un: nah.

[damnable]

( godsfuckinghells, her head hurts - its full of a bunch of memories that aren't hers, because turns out a good dog's always a good dog. no matter what magical compulsion power happens to be at work. fought against one - only to be done in by the next two compulsions happening swiftly after. she fought against the third too, but. she's got a lot of info to share though so. here goes as she cradles her flask and hopes the alcohol will last. )

So the power in the middle of the lagoon was a well with memory debris from people who chose to give up their memories. I grabbed some. Karsa says it can be used to make potions to regain or retain memories. If we... take one of these potions, we can remember this place when we go through the beacon. Y'know, if that's- yeah. ( she still sees her last moments in her own world - her final moments of existence, and she's afraid of not having any choice in that matter. she'll down some of her flask then before she continues. )

In the picking up of the well liquid, I... got, uh, compelled to drink some of it. Cause y'know... that's how it goes. ( long breath out. ) Hard to keep track of what's known or what isn't, but I saw a couple of Matthias' memories in the mess of memories that are not mine but are now... rattling around in my head.

One was in the Ellethia Institute of Technology and Magic - about some source of power on the coast. He gave the go ahead to grab it when his superior was hesitant to give the order. He made a storm of blood to scare away all the other ships after it.

The other was of a young blonde woman who hadn't admired him since she was a child. She was in an academic uniform. Maybe his daughter? At the end, the fuckin Merchant came up in the memory, covered him with an umbrella, and said it was time to get back to work. ...so seems like the Merchant was directly working with the Institute of Technology and Magic after all. Coy bastard.

Both are memories Matthias chose to get rid of since they were in that well of lost memories. He must have had a reason for losing them. They do say ignorance is bliss.

Comments

voice;

[reparo]

Given his most recent network appearance, something tells me he made himself forget her disappointment. Kept his daughter elevated in his eyes, in his memory - the ones left, anyway.

I'm not surprised about the Merchant...

[A pause.]

They say also that knowledge is power. [She doesn't know how to feel about Red going into that lagoon, but it's not as if she can stop people from being self-sacrificing.

She can only cherish them. Which brings up the other point of this conundrum.]

I would want to remember.

[damnable]

( There really wasn't too much surprising about the memories rattling in her head at the moment - she's learning a lot about a lot of random ass strangers. She doesn't know if any of the information really helps them, but the potions will be nice. She smiles at Hermione's response. Something aches in her heart. )

Yeah. I... really wish those potions had been around the first time I got sent home for decades. Would have made a world of difference in a good way. ( She taps a finger on the outside of her drink. )

Least now people can choose to do so before hopping through a beacon.... or being forced through one. Feels like everything's coming to a head in one way or another, y'know?

[reparo]

[It will be difficult. To go through the beacons, to let everyone go. To know that she would never see them again.

She's avoided leaving so far, out of some misguided sense of heroism, but mostly because she doesn't want to forget. But now the question remains: alright, say she doesn't forget - what then? How will she ever see these people again?]

Yes, it's all a bit of a headache, to say the least. I mean, you even made Lan Wangji use the audio setting in his reply, it might be the end of days.

[damnable]

Shit. I didn't even think about that. ( But that kind of makes her smile through that pained feeling in her chest, the burning in her eyes. ) You're right.

That's the sign the end is nigh if nothing else is, a true harbringer of the apocalypse here. Also, the whole catching up with Matthias and all of that.

You been okay?

[reparo]

Oh gods, no. Not at all. [Said amusedly at least, so that's something!]

I will say one thing, because I feel like this will amuse you. Do you know the first derelict house we could call our headquarters here? A ghost sold it to me in exchange for a unique dance, so I danced the Macarena.

[damnable]

...guess I couldn't really expect anything else in a place like this. I'm sorry. For whatever shit was thrown your way.

( but she does snort laughter at the mention of that. ) The Macarena? Of all the dances, Hermione Granger. Coulda done the whole Cha Cha Slide for some variety, but also that dance lasts forever so ultimately that was a good choice.

[reparo]

[Yes good, let's talk about that and not about anything (or anyone) else.]

I don't know that one. To make matters worse, Sizhui was playing the accompanying music - do you know how little the Macarena goes with soft string instrumental?

[damnable]

Gods, I would have paid good money to see that. Definitely worthy of whatever lodging you got for that price.

( There's a pause, because she knows Hermione pretty well after all this time, and she winces sympathetically: ) Were you embarrassed?

[reparo]

... I don't like not being good at something, but... I've been known to enjoy dancing before.

[She pauses, huffs a little laugh.] Easiest trade I've made.

[damnable]

Pfft, it's the macarena. I'm sure you did wonderfully. But if you're not sure you can always repeat the performance later so I can give you a thumbs up or down.

( what? It would be amazing to see.......... )

But that actually does sound like a good experience in this helluva place - so you and Sizhui are staying there together since the deal was done together?

[reparo]

The deal was done together because that's what's being asked of us here. The place is for all of us - any of us who need it. Who need a place to rest.

[damnable]

Ohhhhhh. Guess I didn't really pay attention to how we got our shelter. Well, thank you both for your service in that case. This place is a helluva place for us all to end up in the end y'know. Despite what some might say, rest's important.

un: absterge | audio

[downswing]

Rest. You exerted yourself. ( Perhaps, he need not say, past bearing. )

[damnable]

I'm resting. Cross my heart. ( He can't see it, but she does actually cross her heart. ) Thanks again for your help.

Couldn't have made it there without ya.

[damnable]

Fuck.

Are you okay? You replied with, uh, audio- voice for once.

[downswing]

( 'Lying is forbidden.' )

Objectionable?

( Deflection is not. )

We must shield Kamala from further engagement with the man Matthias.

[damnable]

It's not like you is all, which means 'shit's really hit the fan', or something's wrong. Gonna take your lack of answer as you being not okay, which is understandable.

( He's too honorable to lie after all like she might. )

Kamala is smart. I'm hoping she figured out not to trust him after the last time everybody told her who he really is, but this is further evidence if not.

[downswing]

My writing hand is the same as my sword one.

Strained from extended use. ( That moment when you've slaughtered so much, you have to rest your fingers. )

[damnable]

Ah. Got it. We thank you for your excellent service, and for your honesty about how you're doing, and if you'd ever like the aid of a hellhound at your side, let me know. I can flamebroil some slavers any time or bite off some limbs.

But for now, it's time to ask: are you resting too?

[downswing]

Unnecessary.

The... water you collected. Any harmful effect upon you?

[damnable]

Oh. Since rest is so unnecessary............ I guess I'll just get up myself.

Sorry. I had no idea we could just forgo rest even when our hands hurt so much that we can't even use them to write.

1/2

[downswing]

( Madam.

You are addressing the stubborn father who raised a stubborn son. )

[downswing]

We write adequately.

[damnable]

( pfft, stubbornness doesn't scare her. )

What a funny coincidence, I walk adequately myself. Guess rest is unnecessary all around.

[downswing]

Red.

[damnable]

Wangji.

[downswing]

You expressed debt.

I claim it. Rest.

[damnable]

Nah, dude.

My debt's about repaying you in some way, and don't give me any bullshit about how taking care of myself helps you cause you're an empathetic person. So I can either help you by fighting at your side or we can both rest.

[downswing]

Crafty interpretation.

[damnable]

And that's my right, sir.

I'm on my way to you now. Lets kick some ass.

[downswing]

( Is he smiling —

Fine. )

voice - un: slothbaby

[cosplayqueen]

So this is an emotional rollercoaster for me. First, yay memories! We have to get on this potion business! Where's Doctor Strange?! Wizards make potions, right? Or is it witches? I don't know the magic lore as well as the superhero lore.

[Okay time to breathe.] Second, boo compulsion. I hate this for you and am on standby with hugs as needed.

Third.... I'm confused by these memories. I thought his daughter was a little girl. Did she grow up and he just forgot about it? Does young mean like a teenager like me? And she also is blessed-slash-cursed to look young for her age?

I can't comment on the Merchant stuff. Someone else needs to get on that train since that seems relevant.

[damnable]

Karsa said she could make the potions from what I brought her so we should be in the clear there, and thank you for standby hugs. They're much appreciated. ( She takes another drink from her flask, swallowing through the burn...and all the rest. )

I'd guess he either has given away so many of his memories that he's forgotten she's grown or he's lying. Either way, we can't really trust anything he says. ( She blows out a breath. )

As for the Merchant, I reached out to him, and am currently conversing with him on the side, but I doubt he's going to be helpful. He said he didn't tell us so we'd trust him more, which uh, none of us have ever fully trusted him as it was. He felt the need to remind me that we were the ones all foolish enough to trust him to begin with like we even had a choice.

[cosplayqueen]

Oh yay! I'm going to take the sketchy drink and pray it's not haram! [She points out cheerfully. The rest earns a disgusted sigh.]

I mean is he going to brag about taking candy from babies next? It's not really much of a flex to trick us. Some of us are minors here. We always have to deal with sketchy adults and hope for the best. It's like a rite of passage.

[In her most dramatic newscaster voice:] Can you survive this large group of people lying to you about everything and anything they can think of? Are they doing it for your good or their good? Tune back in and get the answer in eighteen years!

[damnable]

( Red smirks in amusement at the dramatic news caster voice. ) And so often it's for both, huh?

( your good and their own good, or that's what they tell themselves anyway. )

I don't even think he tricked us. Most of us have always known to not take his words at face value so not sure how keeping that information from us was going to increase our trust. But I think he kept the information for his own good too. He feels guilty for how it all went down with Matthias.

Easier to distance yourself from it all that way, y'know?

[cosplayqueen]

Pretty much all the time. [Kamala confesses. The rest just gets a sigh.] But, you're probably right. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't change much. We're not really entitled to the whole story. We just need a way home.

[damnable]

Adults are truly shit like that. ( There's a genuine grimace. ) And it looks like we might have a few if we can keep hold of those beacons that people managed to grab. I'm sure you're ready to head back home.

[cosplayqueen]

You're still great. [Kamala points out sweetly.] Yeah totally! I am so excited we can remember all of this now. I'll totally miss you forever, but we'll meet again! I'll know who you are when we do!

[spoilers]

( It doesn't surprise River to know there are memories, even those of his daughter, Matthias chose to give up. She suspects he's lost, or given, even more than they know.

But something has caught her attention. )

You mentioned a storm? I saw the memory of a young woman at sea in a storm. I'm not sure about bloody, but it was violent. They were arguing. He wanted her to come home, she refused. But she said something about finding new magical sources that would improve lives.

[damnable]

Yeah. It didn't seem like a storm he wanted to go into personally himself, but he did want it scaring away anyone else trying to get hold of the power. When I talked to the Merchant about it, he said 400 people died because of it so.

...I'm thinking he wanted to forget just how much his daughter hates him, which y'know is fair. But doesn't erase what he's done.

[spoilers]

I think he might have erased more than that.

Maybe there's another reason he wanted to forget the storm. Maybe his daughter was on one of those ships. ( It's something that's been bothering her since the memory she experienced, together with the puppet show. A nagging feeling she can't shake that Matthias is responsible for his daughter's death. It would certainly explain why he's chosen to give up so many memories relating to her. ) But you're right, no matter how much he's chosen to forget, it doesn't excuse anything.