( Emilia wants to be there for Lily. Sometimes in ways she feels she was not there for Claudia, too lost in her anger and her grief despite wanting to help stop the murders so desperately. But Lily asks what happened to her, and she is drawn back to the night of the siege.

She is drawn back to things she has said, and not wanting Lily to think she's a liar for it. )

When we first arrived to Taravast and I told you that I didn't — couldn't — ride, I thought that was the truth. ( The truth is she doesn't really know what happened to her. She's only guesses, and she's put them aside in favor of more important and dire matters. )